IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on people. D o you agree or disagree?

There is a notion that using a
computer
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 on a daily basis could have more detrimental effects on individuals. I totally disagree with
this
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 statement.
While
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 everyday use of a
computer
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 might cause some minor health issues , utilising a
computer
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 for everyday tasks makes you an expert in operating a
computer
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.
This
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 is crucial to compete with the modern job market. On one hand, it is undeniable that using a
computer
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 in daily life to complete tasks
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 leads to many health problems.
Such
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 as weak eyesight, posture-related issues, like slouching, neck strain, etc. These conditions are far more prevalent in corporate employees.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the survey conducted by Toronto University, it shows that people whose jobs require them to sit in front of a screen all day are more vulnerable to above mentioned illnesses. Like, receptionists, Bankers.
On the other hand
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,
computers
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 are indispensable in daily life, serving as essential tools for communication, education, work, and entertainment. The significant role
computer
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 devices play in our lives makes their use more crucial for us to train ourselves to learn about their usage. Everything is carried out through a
computer
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 operating system.
For example
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, from texting to paying bills online , all tasks are performed through a
computer
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. Even though all jobs involve
computers
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. It is almost impossible to survive without the knowledge of
computer
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 operations.
To conclude
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,
it is clear that
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computers
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 have become an intrinsic part of our lives.
While
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 some health issues are caused by the use of
computers
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 , but are still an integral part of our lives and are mandatory for work life.

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structure
Plan the essay with one clear view in the first paragraph and make each new idea start with a topic sentence.
language
Use simple and short sentences. Put the main idea at the start of each paragraph.
content
Give a real and clear example for your point. Do not rely on unsure facts.
grammar
Check grammar and capital letters. Use correct spelling.
conclusion
End with a short restatement of your view and a quick summary of your reasons.
task response
The writer states a clear view early in the essay.
coherence
There is use of on one hand ... on the other hand to show balance.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Ergonomics
  • Cognitive overload
  • Digital literacy
  • Cybersecurity
  • Innovative solutions
  • Remote work
  • Digital divide
  • Technological dependence
  • Moderation
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