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Writing Samples
Band 4

some people believe money is the best gift for the teenagers,while other do not support it.Discuss both the views and give your opinon.

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that a
of
Check wording
lot of
show examples
 people think
money
Use synonyms
 is the best gift for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held
belife
Correct your spelling
belief
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 is the best gift for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
, there is
also
Linking Words
 an
arugment
Correct your spelling
argument
 that other people do not support it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
analyse
Correct word choice
and analyse
show examples
this
Linking Words
 topic from both points of view and express
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand , a lot of
teenagers
Use synonyms
 want to
following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
 the
trands
Correct your spelling
trends
.In other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, like in social
media
Add a comma
media,
show examples
 some items became famous ,and the
teenagers
Use synonyms
 want to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the best way to give them
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 ,I gave my brother
money
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he
buy
Wrong verb form
bought
show examples
 something
spacial
Use the right word
special
show examples
,and I
sad
Use the right word
said
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 type of
this
Linking Words
 item it
new
Verb problem
was new
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 me .
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , some
teenagers
Use synonyms
 buy something
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. It is possible to say that ,like follow
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
bad
Punctuation problem
, bad
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 to buy some
somke
Correct your spelling
smoke
 in
Correct article usage
the produet
show examples
produet
Correct your spelling
product
.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , the
teenagers
Use synonyms
 we like that to some body to give
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to but items danger
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them .
For example
Linking Words
 ,when I was
Correct article usage
a teenager
show examples
teenager
Punctuation problem
teenager,
show examples
 my father gave me some
money
Use synonyms
 to buy some clothes
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 bad friend
want for
Verb problem
who wanted
show examples
 me to buy some
snick
Use the right word
snacks
show examples
 for them to
west
Verb problem
waste
show examples
 my
money
Use synonyms
 .
Conclusion
In conclusion , there is no easy answere for
this
Linking Words
 question .On balance,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 I tend to believe that it
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 from
teenagers
Use synonyms
 but
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 Parental upbringing ,
So
Fix capitalization
so
show examples
 it
is give
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
any
Correct determiner usage
no
show examples
mater
Use the right word
matter
show examples
 for
believe
Wrong verb form
believing
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 is the best gift for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 do not support it.

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language
Check spelling and fix easy wrong words to make meaning clear
planning
Plan what you will say in each paragraph before you write
coherence
Use small linking words to show how ideas go together
content
Give clear and strong examples for each main idea
content
Two sides are shown in the essay
structure
A view is given at the end
content
Some life examples are used
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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