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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries.

The bar chart below shows the total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries.
The bar
chart
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 below depicts the total amount of Olympic
medals
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 won by 12 countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
chart
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 flows in a descending pattern, with the United
States
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 having the highest value,
whereas
Linking Words
 Japan has the least.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the United
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states
Fix capitalization
States
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 the
most
Correct word choice
largest
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 number of
medals
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Punctuation problem
, that
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 sums up to a total of about 2,300
medals
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, with gold being the majority of the medal type. Moreso, the Soviet Union comes
second,
Linking Words
with a total of 1,000
medals
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 with
similarity
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similar
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 to the United
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states
Fix capitalization
States
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 in the medal type.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the UK, France, Germany and Italy follow suit
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 accounts for about 600, 585, 520 and 510, respectively. In sharp contrast to the United
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states
Fix capitalization
States
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 and the Soviet Union, the medal types differ in these countries. The minorities in the
chart
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ranges
Correct subject-verb agreement
range
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 from 0-500
medals
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they start from Sweden down to China with varying medal types as well. Notably, Japan seems to have the lowest
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
medals
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 in the
chart
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, medals, states with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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