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Writing Samples
Band 9

A person should never make an important decision alone. Do you agree or disagree with this following statement?

#person #decision
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It is argued that individuals need to be discouraged from making crucial decisions without listening to others’ opinions. Personally, I agree with
this
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 viewpoint because everyone’s knowledge is limited, and we might make irrevocable mistakes if we disregard valuable advice.
To begin
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 with, most of us do not have a full grasp of a situation
due to
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 our insufficient understanding of the world, which leads us to biased judgements and flawed conclusions.
This
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 universal drawback, if not corrected or mitigated, may have a damaging effect on career and development, especially in terms of vital life decisions. Take the example of myself. When deciding which university to attend and what subject to study, I completely ignored all the advice and instructions given by my family members and teachers, and I ended up disliking the school and the courses I had to learn.
Consequently
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, my life was changed by that decision that I made alone.
Moreover
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, it is always beneficial to look at different ideas and discuss them with others before making a call. Doing so can not only dissolve discriminatory thoughts and prejudices but
also
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 develop the ability to think critically. The importance of listening to others can be illustrated by the famous case of Tsar Peter, one of the greatest Russian emperors and a remarkable listener. The open-minded Tsar always welcomed dissimilar opinions and even dissenting voices when he needed to modify a policy or reform Russian society.
Although
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 Peter still made several wrong choices in his long reign, his less dictatorial rule turned Russia into a formidable powerhouse in Europe. In short, as the adage “successful people are always good listeners” suggests, to reduce risks and get better results, we should avoid being autocratic and learn to be grateful for different points of view. In closing, for the majority of us, it is injudicious to try to plumb a life-defining dilemma on our own, as it often contains complexities that are beyond our abilities.
Thus
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, individuals need to embrace a variety of ideas before making a final decision and should not jump to conclusions without listening to others.
Submitted by yanjinru0827 on

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all well-defined and cohesive.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples from personal experience and history, which enhance the credibility of your arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, and you have addressed the prompt effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diverse perspectives
  • well-rounded decisions
  • potential risks
  • pitfalls
  • consulting
  • valuable insights
  • shared responsibility
  • commitment
  • successful implementation
  • personal introspection
  • alignment with one's values
  • independence
  • autonomy
  • confidence in one's judgment
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