IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some students take a gap year after graduating from school to work and travel before they continue their studies. However, some people think that working prepares them more for future life than travelling. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has been thought that learners take a
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 after finishing
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high school to work or to see the world before continuing their studies. But, some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 think having a job during a
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 prepares them more for
realistic
Correct article usage
a realistic
show examples
 life
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 travelling. I believe that, by
far
Punctuation problem
far,
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 the most helpful for them would be travelling in
this
Linking Words
 circumstance, as they can broaden their horizon and
also
Linking Words
 build
network
Correct article usage
a network
show examples
 compared to any benefits working can bring. There are numerous purposes to travel
while
Linking Words
 having a
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
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,
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
network
Correct article usage
a network
show examples
 and
broaden
Wrong verb form
broadening one's
show examples
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 travelling
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 relax by seeing
vivid
Correct article usage
a vivid
show examples
 atmosphere, eating traditional foods,
reset
Wrong verb form
and resetting
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 by having fresh air
, as
Punctuation problem
. As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 they get a sense of vibe and become motivated to move forward in the future.
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Another
show examples
 purpose of travelling is to
expend
Use the right word
expand
show examples
 horizons, as if they see culture and ancient high-sight buildings, they definitely acquire new information about that country
Linking Words
also they
Correct word order
they also
show examples
 learn to become flexible to that culture, traditions and environment. Considering these two
factors
Punctuation problem
factors,
show examples
 students can get plenty of benefits throughout
trip
Correct article usage
the trip
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 during a
gap
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
year
Add a comma
year,
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 students can become independent.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if they make money during
this
Linking Words
period
Punctuation problem
period,
show examples
 they learn how to spend
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
and manage money. During
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
process
Punctuation problem
process,
show examples
 students can acquire soft skills, and manga EQ,
Correct word choice
and became
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 more experienced in that field.
For instance
Linking Words
, as soon as
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 work in
overcrowded
Correct article usage
an overcrowded
show examples
 company or at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
,
Linking Words
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they learn how to manage emotions in front of customers and learn to think
deep
Replace the word
deeply
show examples
 if they face issues
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
, also
show examples
 acquire more soft
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
,which will be helpful in
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if they start to make
money
Punctuation problem
money,
show examples
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 they slowly learn how to manage
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 and spend
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
, as they are using
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 goods every day in their life.
To conclude
Linking Words
, during a
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
learners
Punctuation problem
, learners
show examples
 should travel throughout
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
, because they might find the appropriate field that they love and go through curious
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 become
master
Correct article usage
a master
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that field.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 point.

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task response
State your view clearly in one line at the start and keep to it. Add one or two strong facts or examples to back your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use one idea per paragraph and begin each with a simple sentence that tells what the paragraph is about. Use links like and, but, also, so to show how ideas relate.
lexical resource
Use common words and phrases. Check that you know the meaning of words you use. For example, one may say 'expand horizons' and 'build skills' instead of unclear phrases.
grammar
Fix grammar mistakes about verb forms, plural, and pronoun use. Use periods and comma to break long sentences into short ones.
idea
The writer shows a clear view that travelling can be better than working for a gap year.
coherence
There is some use of linking words to show order and contrast.
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