IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Young people are having less social contact with older people today. Why is this ?what could be done to improve it?

There is a widely debated topic that most younger
people
Use synonyms
 are not spending their
time
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 with
old
Correct word choice
older
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people
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. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 consequence is technology and the insufficiency of
time
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore possible solutions for
this
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 repercussion. Nowadays,
people
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 become more isolated from the elderly. Most youth can’t allocate
time
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 to their grandfathers and grandmothers. The particular reason for
this
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 circumstance is a lack of
time
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.
People
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 are accustomed to
work
Replace the word
working
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 under pressure. With
this
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 fatigue, they will be less active in the family gathering.
Average
Correct word choice
ordinary
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people
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 work approximately 8-9 hours
in
Change preposition
apply
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a day, they leave home in the early morning and
come
Verb problem
apply
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arrive
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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late
night
Change preposition
at night
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. On the one hand, old
people
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 have their own schedule and agenda,
so
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apply
show examples
that’s
Use the right word
that is
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 why their
lifestyle
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 and
time
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varies
Correct subject-verb agreement
vary
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 differently, resulting in strong isolation from their children. Most
people
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 reckon that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
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 moves so fast. But
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is not actually true. The
time
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 is in the right way, but the
lifestyle
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 of the young individuals is quite fast. They are keen on
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
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 something fast
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 their daily schedule is the same
as
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apply
show examples
every day. So most young
people
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 just say they do not have
time
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 to be with their relatives. But it actually is not true
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 their habit is the reason for
this
Linking Words
 problem. The only possible solution is to change their
lifestyle
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 completely, even if they have a vast amount of work
time
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. As
people
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 wake up, they immediately take out their phones and chat with their friends.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, they should have to wash their face and greet their grandparents, and have a cup of tea
together with
Linking Words
 a lovely smile. It affects both
to
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apply
show examples
the interaction between the elderly and
impact
Correct article usage
the impact
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 on their whole day. If young
people
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 add
this
Linking Words
 habit to their schedule,
this
Linking Words
 problem will be tackled forever. In conclusion, the young generation should have to change their
lifestyle
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 and
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
, in order to maintain a healthy connection with their grandparents

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task
Make each idea clear and show two or three reasons. Give ideas that fit the question.
development
structure
planning
coherence
content
The essay gives two main ideas for why young people don’t talk with old people (time and tech).
structure
The end says that change is needed for a better bond.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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