IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters( such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Nowadays, raising their kids has many ways to teach them
become
Verb problem
to become
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 mature. Some people argue that allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to choose their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 things
on
Change preposition
in
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 daily life,
such
Linking Words
 as food, customs, and interests,
is
Verb problem
may
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 possibly to
become
Wrong verb form
them becoming
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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selfish
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 in society,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
people
Check wording
apply
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say that
children
Use synonyms
 need to consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what’s
Verb problem
what
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truely
Correct your spelling
truly
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and present my own opinions. On the one hand, most parents who don’t want to let their
children
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
make their own decisions, even though it is an everyday matter, are
because of
Change preposition
due to
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 a lack of well-developed thinking.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 usually pick unhealthy foods or pastries, which could cause high blood pressure and diabetes when they are young.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if they can get anything by their own thinking, it would
become
Verb problem
make them
show examples
Correct article usage
a self-centered
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self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
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 person.
For example
Linking Words
, they have developed an expectation of instant
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
, even if the food or the consequence may cause others inconvenience.
Therefore
Linking Words
, controlling
children
Use synonyms
's behaviour and
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
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 proportion of parents' priority.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those who support
children
Use synonyms
 need to develop their critical thinking and take responsibility for the consequences. Specifically, choosing their daily life matters is a small
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 to most people in the world, but for
kids
Punctuation problem
kids,
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 is a big step to generate different chemical
reaction
Fix the agreement mistake
reactions
show examples
 in their brains.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can become an independent adult through the process. In conclusion,
although
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 I agree that
children
Use synonyms
 sometimes make bad decisions, parents need to teach them what is the right thing to do,
while
Linking Words
 I strongly suggest that
children
Use synonyms
 have to make their own decisions, even though that’s small things in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples

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planning
Plan your essay with a clear map: opening, two body parts each with a point, and a short end.
structure
Be clear on what you want to say. State your view in the last paragraph and keep it simple.
grammar
Use simple words and short sentences. Check grammar and word form.
content
Give one strong example for each view. Then give your own view and why.
content
The essay tries to talk about both sides and has a view.
organization
There is a plan with intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
What to do next:
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