IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is often said that it is not necessary to have a tertiary education to become a successful businessman. To what extent to you agree or disaree with this statement?

In life, being successful is not a guarantee - it is an achievement that requires dedication, sacrifice, and the mindset to always improve.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 philosophy applies most to
business
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, as it is one of the most competitive fields of work. Many people argue that a tertiary
education
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,
such
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 as a master's degree, is needed to achieve
success
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 in
business
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, as the
education
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 that universities provide is essential to
business
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.
However
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, I disagree, as
success
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 is not measured by how much you learn, but how much you execute. The person themselves is responsible for achieving
success
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; a
university
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 can be a useful prerequisite,
although
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 it is possible for someone without a master's degree to achieve
success
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 within the field of
business
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.
To begin
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 with,
business
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 is a skill that can only be learnt through
experience
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, not by learning. The most successful businessmen are those who build themselves up from failure and always put in the maximum amount of effort to succeed, as they apply the lessons they learnt from their mistakes into their next
business
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 ventures.
This
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 type of valuable
experience
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 cannot be learned through achieving a tertiary degree; it can only be achieved through first-hand experiences.
Therefore
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, a
businessman
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 who has years of
experience
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 working for and/or creating businesses will have a higher chance of
success
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 than a
businessman
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 who has less
experience
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 but spent more time in
university
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.
Additionally
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,
business
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 is a field
that is
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 constantly evolving. The information taught in
university
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 has a chance of being outdated in less than a decade
due to
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 evolving markets and technological innovation. Supply and demand constantly change, and it is up to the
businessman
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 to adapt to newer markets.
University
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 does teach the necessary information in order to adapt to change, but as I mentioned earlier, first-hand
experience
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 of adaptation will always be more beneficial towards the average
businessman
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.
Lastly
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, there have been many successful businessmen who achieved
success
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 without having a tertiary
education
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. The first example that many people will think of is Mark Zuckerberg, who developed Facebook after dropping out of Harvard - he would go on to become the CEO of Meta, a billion-dollar company
that is
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 known worldwide. His story serves as an example that
education
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 isn't a prerequisite to
success
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; sure, it can be a supplementary factor, but the most successful businessmen are those who can take advantage of developing markets. In conclusion, I believe that a successful
businessman
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 does not need a tertiary
education
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due to
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 the importance of
experience
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, adaptation, and the drive to succeed. We should all strive to break through our limits and achieve the impossible, because, as simple as it sounds, it is the main contributing factor
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
success
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, both in and out of
business
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.

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weakness
You have a clear view; add one more strong point and a short note on the other view to show balance.
tip
Use short, plain sentences to keep idea clear and easy to read.
tip
Give a small fact or proof for each main idea, not just talk.
tip
Finish with a short, clear end that restates your view.
strength
Clear own view on the topic.
strength
Good use of linking words to help flow.
strength
Use of a well known example to support a point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tertiary education
  • Entrepreneur
  • Practical experience
  • Theoretical foundation
  • Strategic planning
  • Networking opportunities
  • Industry knowledge
  • Technical expertise
  • Leadership skills
  • Digital entrepreneurship
  • Innovation
  • Adaptability
  • Credentials
  • Financial principles
  • Economic theories
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