IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the developed world, the average life expectation is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

Thanks to developments in medical technology,
people
Use synonyms
 these days in developed countries are expected to live longer than ever before.
This
Linking Words
 trend brings clear benefits, but it
also
Linking Words
 creates serious challenges for individuals and society.
To begin
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 with, an ageing population can reduce productivity and shrink the workforce. Many
people
Use synonyms
 in very old age become financially dependent on the national pension system, which is funded by taxpayers.
Additionally
Linking Words
, because older
people
Use synonyms
 are more vulnerable in terms of health, healthcare costs are likely to soar.
As a result
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, as the share of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 rises, the working-age population has to fund a larger pension and healthcare bill, which may slow
overall
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 economic growth. For individuals, longer lives can
also
Linking Words
 mean higher retirement costs and a heavier caregiving burden for adult children. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue, some nations try to address the problems through new approaches. One solution is to help
people
Use synonyms
 remain healthy for longer. By encouraging healthy eating habits and regular exercise, individuals can stay independent for longer and are less likely to place pressure on healthcare systems. Governments can promote
this
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 through preventive check-ups and subsidies for community exercise programmes. Another solution is to accept more immigrants from overseas. As large numbers of older
people
Use synonyms
 retire at a certain age, society may suffer from serious labour shortages.
This
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 can be mitigated by reforming
immigration
Use synonyms
 policy,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 by prioritising skilled
immigration
Use synonyms
 and speeding up credential recognition so newcomers can enter the workforce sooner. That said,
immigration
Use synonyms
 is not a silver bullet, so boosting labour participation among older workers is
also
Linking Words
 important.
Overall
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,
although
Linking Words
 longer life expectancy may cause challenges, these issues can be managed through well-designed measures
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as improving healthy ageing and using
immigration
Use synonyms
 policy to maintain the workforce. With the right support, different generations can live well together without excessive financial pressure.

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task
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and add facts or numbers to back it.
coherence
Use more link words to show flow, like first, also, but, finally.
task
Make intro and end tie closely to the task so the reader sees the purpose.
coherence
Try to avoid long repeats and keep each paragraph to one main idea.
style
Use simple, clear words so the message is easy to see.
content
Clear goal and good mix of problems and fixes.
structure
Good order with sign words to move from one idea to the next.
coherence
Some strong links between ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • social security
  • pension systems
  • healthcare workers
  • workforce productivity
  • dependency ratio
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • innovation
  • creativity
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