IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the developed world, the average life expectation is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

Thanks to the development of medical technology,
people
Use synonyms
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
 in the developed countries
supposed
Verb problem
are supposed
show examples
 to live longer than ever before. I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend is
percieved
Correct your spelling
perceived
 as positive as a whole, attention should be
payed
Verb problem
paid
show examples
 to those who argue that
drowbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
 of
Correct article usage
an aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, we should note that the older generation is less productive and less likely to join as workforce. You can easily imagine that
people
Use synonyms
 at
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 old age are financially dependent on a national pension system, which is supported and run by
taxpayer's
Check wording
taxpayers'
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 expenditure.
Adittionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, as old
people
Use synonyms
 are
vurnable
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
 in terms of health, demand for
medicare
Correct article usage
the medicare
show examples
 system is likely to
sore
Use the right word
soar
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the greater the
portion
Use the right word
proportion
show examples
 of old
people
Use synonyms
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
, the heavier the burden of the rest who support
medicare
Fix capitalization
Medicare
show examples
 and
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
show examples
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
casted
Verb problem
cast
show examples
 on us, which is highly likely to lag the entire nation's economic growth. To tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue, some
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 try to fix the problems by implementing new
apporoaches
Correct your spelling
approaches
. One of the solutions is to support
people
Use synonyms
 to live in good health
condition
Check wording
apply
show examples
. By letting them have
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 eating habits and
custom
Correct article usage
the custom
show examples
 of regular exercise, individuals are less dependent, and
likey
Use the right word
likely
show examples
 to stay in good health condition without
pressureing
Correct your spelling
pressuring
 medical resources. Another solution is
inviting
Wrong verb form
to invite
show examples
 immigrants from overseas. If you think
abut
Use the right word
about
show examples
 that a large number of the old
people
Use synonyms
 retire when they reach a
ceartin
Correct your spelling
certain
 age,
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
 society will suffer from serious labour shortages.
This
Linking Words
 can be handled by opening the border to immigrants, who will contribute to the society in various ways as workers, taxpayers, consumers and so on.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 long
life-expectancy
Use the right word
life expectancy
show examples
 may cause some issues, these hurdles can be managed by conducting well-designed approaches as discussed above. I really hope that all
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 can live happily together without worrying
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
about this
show examples
 matter.

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language
Fix the main errors in grammar and spelling. This will make your work easier to read and more clear.
structure
Add one clear point for each paragraph and give a small reason or example for it.
coherence
Link ideas with simple join words like 'first, also, but, so'. This helps flow.
planning
Limit each paragraph to one main idea and end with a short line that shows your view.
idea
You raise a real topic and give three ideas to help the issue.
organization
There is a clear ending that sums up your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • social security
  • pension systems
  • healthcare workers
  • workforce productivity
  • dependency ratio
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • innovation
  • creativity
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