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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that individuals are responsible for their happiness, while others argue that it is related to factors of personal life. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In the modern world, it is undeniable that
happiness
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 is an important goal for most
people
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.
While
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 some believe that
individuals
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 are mainly responsible for their own
happiness
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, others argue that
happiness
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 is largely influenced by personal life
factors
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such
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 as family, health, and financial situation. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Those who believe that
individuals
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 are responsible for their own
happiness
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 provide some reasons to justify their view. One of the most obvious reasons is that attitudes and mindset play a crucial role in how
people
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 feel about their lives. To illustrate,
individuals
Use synonyms
 who remain optimistic and resilient are often able to cope with difficulties more effectively.
For instance
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, a person who focuses on self-improvement, sets realistic goals, and practices gratitude may feel satisfied even when facing challenges. Supporters of
this
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 view argue that
happiness
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 depends on personal choices,
such
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 as how
people
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 manage stress and respond to setbacks. Those who believe that
happiness
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 is influenced by personal life
factors
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also
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 have some points that should not be overlooked. One major reason is that external circumstances can strongly affect emotional well-being. To clarify,
factors
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such
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 as physical health, stable relationships, and financial security play a significant role in determining
happiness
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.
For example
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, a person struggling with
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
 illness or unemployment may find it difficult to remain happy despite having a positive attitude.
In addition
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,
individuals
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 living in supportive families or safe environments are more likely to experience long-term
happiness
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. To recapitulate, it is evident that some
people
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 view
happiness
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 as a personal responsibility because of the importance of mindset and attitude,
while
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 others emphasise the impact of life circumstances. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that
although
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 external
factors
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 influence
happiness
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,
individuals
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 themselves play the most important role. By developing positive habits and coping strategies,
people
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 can improve their
happiness
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 even when circumstances are not ideal.

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strength
The essay has a clear plan and a clear view at the end. Keep this strength and try to use even clearer and more direct sentences.
tip
Some phrases are long or formal. Use short, plain lines to be easy for the reader.
tip
Add more strong, real examples to show your talk about happiness is safe and true.
strength
Clear view is shown at the end.
strength
Good use of simple bridging words like In addition and To clarify.
strength
Balanced talk on both sides, with a firm opinion.
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