IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

All over the world, societies are facing growing problems with obesity. This problem affects children and adults. What are the reasons for this? and how could it be tackled.

In the modern world, it is undeniable that
obesity
Use synonyms
 has become a serious and growing problem in societies across the globe, affecting both children and adults.
This
Linking Words
 issue is closely linked to changes in lifestyle and eating habits. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, an attempt will be made to examine the main causes of
obesity
Use synonyms
 and the possible solutions to address
this
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 problem. One of the most apparent causes of
obesity
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 is the widespread consumption of unhealthy
food
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 combined with a lack of physical activity. To illustrate, fast
food
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, processed meals, and sugary drinks are now easily accessible and often cheaper than healthier alternatives.
For instance
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, many
people
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 rely on convenience foods
due to
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 busy schedules,
while
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 children are increasingly exposed to junk
food
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 advertising. At the same time, modern lifestyles encourage sedentary behaviour, as
people
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 spend long hours sitting at desks, using smartphones, or watching television.
As a result
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, calorie intake often exceeds energy expenditure, leading to weight gain and long-term health problems. The main solution that should not be overlooked is promoting healthier lifestyles through education and public policy. To clarify, governments and schools can play a crucial role by educating
people
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 about balanced diets and the importance of regular exercise.
For example
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, schools can introduce compulsory physical education and provide nutritious meals,
while
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 governments can regulate
food
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 advertising aimed at children and impose taxes on sugary products.
In addition
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, communities should invest in facilities
such
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 as parks and sports centres to encourage
people
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 of all ages to be more active in their daily lives. To recapitulate, it is evident that poor dietary choices and inactive lifestyles are the primary reasons behind the global rise in
obesity
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.
Therefore
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, it is necessary that both individuals and authorities take responsibility by promoting healthier eating habits and encouraging regular physical activity in order to reduce
obesity
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 and improve public health.

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task
Make sure the essay fully covers both causes and solutions, with clear focus in each paragraph.
coherence
Use more linking words to connect ideas smoothly, and keep paragraphs shorter.
lexical
Use simpler words where possible and avoid long, tricky phrases.
grammar
Check grammar and sentence length to avoid long run-on sentences.
development
Add more specific real-world examples or stats to support claims.
content/organization
Clear overall idea and good structure.
content
Good use of examples like fast food and ads.
conclusion
Solid conclusion that restates the main point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Fast food
  • Convenience foods
  • Caloric intake
  • Physical activity
  • Nutrition education
  • Economic factors
  • Health policies
  • Marketing strategies
  • Incentives
  • Subsidies
  • Overconsumption
  • Portion sizes
  • Healthy lifestyle choices
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