IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message. (KLL)

There is no denying the fact that the most important consideration when choosing any career or
job
Use synonyms
 is having a high income,
in other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 now want to choose the best
job
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 by looking
to
Change preposition
for
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 the highest
sallry
Correct your spelling
salary
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 my opinion, I consider that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it is
tru
Correct your spelling
true
 that the income in the
job
Use synonyms
 or the career is
signfgtly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 important.
To begin
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 with, the main idea of taking a
job
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 or working in a place is to have money, whether you want it
to
Change preposition
for
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 yourself or if you have a
family
Punctuation problem
family,
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 you will do it for them.
In addition
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, your plan is to
secur yor
Correct your spelling
secure your
 life or the lives of your family.
For example
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,
polic
Correct your spelling
police
 officers when they chose that
job
Use synonyms
 they knew that it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 dangerous, but they took it
any way
Use the right word
anyway
show examples
 just
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 of the high
incom
Correct your spelling
income
 they
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 get from it. Another point to consider is, the
majorty
Correct your spelling
majority
 of
people
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nowdays
Use the right word
nowadays
show examples
 see
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 with extreme wealth are the most respected. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 are always
tring
Correct your spelling
trying
 to be like them and act the same way they do. In order to do
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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 you must have a
job
Use synonyms
 with a
big
Correct word choice
large
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 amount of money. In conclusion,
despit
Correct your spelling
despite
people
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have
Wrong verb form
having
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defferent
Correct your spelling
different
 views, I believe that
yes
Punctuation problem
yes,
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 it is important to choose and take a career
wiht
Correct your spelling
with
 a high income
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 you never know what is coming for you
,
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
in other words
Linking Words
, you
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
 know what will happen to make you
helples
Correct your spelling
helpless
.

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content
Your view on income is clear, but you should show more balance. Add a view that other things also matter in work and life.
structure
Make each idea a new paragraph. Start with a simple sentence that states your point in that paragraph.
grammar
Fix the spelling and the grammar. Use short, simple sentences. Check words like 'income', 'salary', 'police', etc.
content
Use more real examples to back each idea. Give facts or concrete cases to make your point stronger.
idea
You state a clear view that money is a main aim for many people.
content
You give reasons for money to help family and to be seen as successful.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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