IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The rise of convinience foods has helped people keep up the speed of the modern lifestyle. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In my opinion, the
rise
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 of
convenience
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foods
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 has helped
people
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 keep up the
speed
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pace
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 in their modern
lifestyle
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. With
this
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 trend, there are various advantages
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such
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, such
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 as
convenience
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foods
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 being efficient and easily accessible.
On the other hand
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, there
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also
Verb problem
are also
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 disadvantages in
convenience
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foods
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 regarding health. With the current state of one's modern
lifestyle
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,
people
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 are constantly busy with their work or personal life.
With the
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The
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rise
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 of
convenience
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foods
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,
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apply
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it
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apply
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has helped
people
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 purchase their food on the go without needing to worry about skipping their meals.
For example
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, 7-Eleven is situated in many areas where it is a reasonable distance. If I am working on a night shift, I could easily grab a bite within 5 minutes and continue doing my work.
Therefore
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, I do agree that
with
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apply
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the
rise
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 of
convenience
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foods
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 has helped
people
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 in their modern
lifestyle
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 as it is efficient and easily accessible.
However
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, with the
rise
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 of
convenience
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foods
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,
people
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 rely on these pre-made
food
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foods
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 that contain high preservatives and sodium levels. As
convenience
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foods
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 are not made fresh on a daily basis,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 pre-packed and made to
last
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 for a long time. If
people
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 solely rely on these
convenience
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foods
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 just because they are efficient and easily accessible, it
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overall could
Correct word order
could overall
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 negatively affect their health in the long run. In conclusion, I believe that with the
rise
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 of
convenience
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foods
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, it has helped
people
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 to keep up the speed of their modern
lifestyle
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 as it can be efficient and easily accessible
but
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, but
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 it is
also
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 equally important in striking a balance of consuming these
convenience
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foods
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 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
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 lots of
preservaties
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preservatives
that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 unhealthy and affect one's health in the long run.

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Task response
Plan your answer. Say your view in the first part and say it again in the end.
Coherence
Use a clear order. Have one idea in each paragraph. Use simple links like also, then, but, so.
Grammar
Check small spelling and word use. The word 'preservatives' should be right and easy.
Content
Give more real examples to back each point.
Style
Keep sentences short. Use easy language so the reader can see your view.
Task achievement
You show your view and talk about good and bad points.
Coherence
You give an example from daily life (7-Eleven).
Structure
There is a clear end that restates your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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