IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

Throughout our lives,
competition
Use synonyms
 has been one of the important aspects in our daily life,
while
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 others believe cooperation should be implemented more, rather than competing. I will propose my own reasons for both
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
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 with my personal view
to
Change preposition
on
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this
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 matter.
Competition
Use synonyms
 is present in various parts of our lives. Competing with each other
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some beneficial effects, including finding our limit, and learn from other
people
Use synonyms
 who are better than us. By competing, we are faced
to
Change preposition
with
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 the fact that we need to push our
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
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 to cope with
people
Use synonyms
's performances.
For instance
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, a car brand's sales were surpassed by
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
 brand.
Thus
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, they had to innovate and improve their quality so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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can
Wrong verb form
could
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 compete with competitors.
Moreover
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, comparing ourselves with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 can expose us to the possibility of improvement. A student who
realize
Verb problem
realises
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 his mistake by looking at
others
Check wording
others'
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 could avoid that blunder in the following
attemps
Correct your spelling
attempts
.
On the other hand
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, cooperation can give benefits to our progress. We can reach our goals with other
people
Use synonyms
 who have similar goals faster with the implementation,
such
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 as peer tutoring and group discussion.
Additionally
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, there will be less mental burden
as a consequence
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 of no
uneseccary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 peer
presure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 which can increase stress. In my opinion, an approach to both practices is the most ideal way, because you can benefit from
motivation
Correct article usage
the motivation
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 of
competition
Use synonyms
 and help coming from working
together with
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people
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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,
while
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competition
Use synonyms
 can motivate us by pushing our
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
 and taking improvements from others, cooperation
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 us to relieve ourselves from stress which might
produced
Verb problem
be produced
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 by excessive
competition
Use synonyms
. I believe that
utilizing
Change the spelling
utilising
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 both methods
possess
Verb problem
will have
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 a greater impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 us.

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grammar
Improve grammar and sentence form. Use clear, shorter sentences and fix verb forms (for example, 'Competing with each other have' should be 'Competing with each other has' or 'Competing with each other can' and correct misspellings.
development
Develop ideas with more detail. Give a clear reason, then a specific example and a clear link to the main point.
structure
Keep a clear view in every paragraph. Start with a topic sentence, then support it and end with a link to the thesis.
vocabulary
Use simple, correct words. Limit long words that are hard to spell. Try to use a few strong examples.
content
The writing tries to show both sides and a personal view.
coherence
There are clear links between ideas using words like 'however' and 'for instance'.
content
There is some use of examples to explain points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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