IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. How important is it for children to understand and appreciate nature?

Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
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 in technology
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 made a significant change to our way of living. For many people,
this
Linking Words
 means spending most of their time inside houses.
This
Linking Words
 reality has many disadvantages
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that letting children grow up in a natural setting is the best way to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem. First and foremost,
nature
Use synonyms
 is a green space to breathe in fresh air and relieve yourself. It is a fresh start to get away from the hardship of jobs and the hustle and bustle of city life. Without the surrounding green space, we could not have a good quality
lifestyle
Check wording
of life
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.
Nature
Use synonyms
 enhances both our physical and mental health.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
nature
Use synonyms
 provides us with basic necessities
such
Linking Words
 as food and water supply,
in addition
Linking Words
 to herbs that function as traditional medicine. Our society grows because of the resources from
nature
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as non-renewable and renewable energies, from gas to coal to solar power.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we should use natural materials wisely. The materials which we use for construction or building things, like wood and stones, come from
nature
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we should have
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
 to protect and preserve the natural surroundings. In conclusion,
nature
Use synonyms
 plays an essential role in human life, especially in the development of children. Living close to
nature
Use synonyms
 not only improves physical and mental health but
also
Linking Words
 teaches people to appreciate and protect the environment. For these reasons, encouraging children to grow up in a natural setting is extremely important for a healthier and more sustainable future.

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content
Make your thesis clear in the opening sentence and stick to it throughout each paragraph.
content
Add more examples that relate to children, like how nature helps them learn or how outdoor play improves mood.
grammar
Some sentences are long; break them into shorter ones for easier reading.
grammar
Be careful with word choice: 'relieve yourself' is wrong here; use 'relax' or 'relieve stress'.
grammar
Check facts about nature: distinguish renewable and non-renewable energy correctly.
structure
Clear plan with introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion.
cohesion
Use linking words like First, Secondly, Moreover, In conclusion.
content
General idea that nature supports health and learning.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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