IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US

The chart illustrates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 two groups of people (
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
man
Use synonyms
 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
) and shows the
number
Use synonyms
 of
heart
Use synonyms
 attacks that they experience every year.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be noticed that the older generation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher risk of getting a
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Fix the agreement mistake
attack
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the chart, the men's data remains
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be highest in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
each
age
Use synonyms
 group,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
's statistics
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 significantly lower. Meanwhile, in the
age
Use synonyms
 group 29-44
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
women
Use synonyms
's figure remains
to be
Verb problem
apply
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the lowest ( 3
thousand
Use synonyms
) ,
while
Linking Words
man
Use synonyms
 at the same
age
Use synonyms
 has sharply higher numbers ( 123
thousand
Use synonyms
).
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
heart
Use synonyms
 attacks in the
age
Use synonyms
45
Check wording
group 45
show examples
-64
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 increased to 136
thousand
Use synonyms
,which is slightly more than
Use synonyms
man's
Fix the agreement mistake
men's
show examples
 numbers in the
age
Use synonyms
 group 29-44.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of men getting
heart
Use synonyms
 problems in
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
44
Check wording
group 44
show examples
-65 sharply rose
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three times in comparison with
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
 29-44.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 the
women
Use synonyms
's data rose enormously and doubled in the
age
Use synonyms
 65+, and reached its peak
374
Change preposition
of 374
show examples
thousand
Use synonyms
. The average
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heart
Use synonyms
 problems in
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
45
Change preposition
of 45
show examples
-65 is about the same, with a slight increase in older
age
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the men's and
women
Use synonyms
's groups are reaching about the same figures in 65+ years, which
also
Linking Words
 remains to be its highest point,
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 440
thousand
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 374
thousand
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, furthermore".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words man, number, heart, age, women, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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