IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The relatively recent development of games on phones, computers, and TV consoles is extremely popular with people all over the world. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such electronic games?

The modern
video
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games
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 on mobile phones, computers, and TV consoles are very popular among
people
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 around the world. The main advantage of
video
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games
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 is that they help to relax and provide quality
time
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 with friends and family.
However
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, the main drawbacks of playing
video
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games
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 are the health problems they cause and poor academic performance. One of the major advantages of playing
video
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games
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 is that it helps
people
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 relax. A person , after spending long hours at work, can come home and unwind by playing
games
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 on the computer.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 can share quality
time
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 with their loved ones by playing
video
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games
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 together. In
this
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 way, digital
games
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 play a significant role in strengthening family bonds.
For example
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, when I was a child, my father used to play
games
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 with me every weekend, which helped me stay closer to my father. The main disadvantage of playing
video
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games
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 is their impact on health.
People
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 who spend a lot of
time
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 playing
video
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games
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 usually suffer from eye-related issues
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 weak eyesight, eye strain, and anxiety. All these problems are caused by spending too much
time
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 on screens playing
video
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games
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. An additional drawback of playing
video
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games
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 is that it adversely affects students' academic performance. Because children who play
video
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games
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 after school hardly have
time
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 to practice lessons learned from daily classes.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a survey, it has been shown that students perform worse who play
video
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games
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 after school. In conclusion, the primary advantages of playing
video
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games
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 are that they provide
time
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 to relax and
people
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 can spend good quality
time
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 with their close ones and strengthen their bond , and the main disadvantages of
video
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games
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 are their ill effects on the health of individuals and the academic performance of students.

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general
Use more strong ideas with clear links to the topic. Give more reasons for the good and bad sides, not just one idea each.
structure
Make the plan at start of each paragraph. Start with a short idea sentence, then add detail.
grammar
Check grammar and use simple punctuation. Watch long sentences and commas.
example
Add more examples. Personal examples are fine, but add more facts or real places or rules to show proof.
content
The essay has a clear view that games can be both good and bad.
structure
There are good links to how games help family time.
structure
There is an ending that sums up the idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive functions
  • problem-solving skills
  • spatial awareness
  • multitasking
  • addiction
  • attention span
  • online multiplayer games
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • social isolation
  • economic impact
  • revenue
  • financial strain
  • stress relief
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • sedentary lifestyle
What to do next:
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