IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

Traditional
festivals
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 and celebrations are born through the survival of
communities
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 in different environments. Historically
people
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 celebrated
festivals
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 to pay respects to their ancesters and deities which they worshipped. It became a time for
communities
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 to gather in one place and socialize. Today we rarely see
such
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 traditional
festivals
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 occuring and it is
due to
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 the loss of a
community
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 mindset in younger generations. As uniques fetivas dissapear we see a greater homogenization of
culture
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 and loss of diversity.
This
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 can cause a loss of cultural identity in
people
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. When children don't learn the origins of their
traditions
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 they become distant towards their own heritage. They forget their own history, survival and values
subsequently
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 they lose a
sense
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 of connection to their ancestors. Traditional
festivals
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 play a role in survival of
people
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 as well. In olden days
people
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 would spend months on preparing for the upcoming
festivals
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, aritists would design traditional clothing, jewellery, paintings, carpets etc and merchants would acquire different goods to sell at
festivals
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 .
People
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 would perform dances and songs and chefs would prepare traditional meals to sell to the attending crowd. All
this
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 enabled
communities
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 to preserve their
culture
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 and
traditions
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.
People
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 from different parts of the world would gather to witness
such
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events
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 and immerse themselves in a new
culture
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. Cultural
festivals
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 have dwindled in size throughout the years
due to
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 rapid industrialisation.
People
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 work much more and have less time to engage in
community
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events
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. To counter
this
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, younger generations must be reminded about their history,
culture
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 and
traditions
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.
This
Linking Words
 can be done in schools, or through advertisements. Governments and cultural organizations can provide funding and logistical support to conduct
such
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events
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. Local
communities
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 should be encouraged to participate in
such
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events
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 and keep
traditions
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 alive.
People
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 need a
sense
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 of
community
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 and belonging now more than ever. Everyday lives of
people
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 have become bleak, repetitive and depressing. Long hours of work result in less time to spend with family and friends.
People
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 need breaks from their lives and engage in
community
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events
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 where they can relax and enjoy. Cultural
events
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 create stronger and deeper bonds between
people
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.
Communities
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 that interact more often share a greater
sense
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 of responsibity towards their members,
this
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 reduces disputes and
people
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 have a
sense
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 of safety that help would be near if they needed it.

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planning
Plan your answer with a clear view and three main points, each with a concrete example.
coherence
Use clear sign posts like first, next, and in conclusion to link ideas.
evidence
Give more real facts or examples to back your claim, even small local ones.
content
The topic is well chosen and you show how festivals can keep a group safe and help people feel part of a group.
structure
You start with a good idea of why festivals change and you name both the problem and a plan to fix it.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional festivals
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • folklore
  • cultural tourism
  • intergenerational
  • homogenization
  • commercialization
  • intangible cultural heritage
  • community engagement
  • awareness
  • revitalize
  • cultural diversity
  • educational programs
  • governmental support
  • logistical support
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