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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows a survey on the preference of three age groups for different TV programs in a European country in 2012.

The table illustrates the data about the predilection of divergent age groups in
TV
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
 in
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 European country 14 years ago.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the teenagers showed more obsession
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 entertaining
programs
Use synonyms
 like cartoons, older citizens over 21 desired to watch
Use synonyms
News
Correct article usage
the News
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 15-20 old people preferred Feature
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
. In 2012, the dominant figure of children was Cartoon, representing 29%, followed by Sports
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 indicated 22% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
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 amount.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest rates were
Use synonyms
News
Change preposition
for News
show examples
 and
TV
Use synonyms
 dramas, showing 6% and 8%, respectively. The indications of Feature film and Soap opera accounted for almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 indicators of 18%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, 21-25 aged individuals were not interested in
Cartoon
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
show examples
, accounting for 4%,
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 was 18% in 15-20 old people. Feature
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
 and
News
Use synonyms
 were the
most watched
Use the right word
most-watched
show examples
programs
Use synonyms
 for
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
-20 age group, 23% and 19% in turn.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
News
Use synonyms
 was the most popular among 21-25
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 olds with 23%,
while
Linking Words
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
selected
Punctuation problem
selected,
show examples
 except
Change preposition
for cartoon
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
show examples
cartoon
Punctuation problem
cartoon,
show examples
 was
TV
Use synonyms
 dramas, representing 13%. The other
programs
Use synonyms
 made up
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 20%. Contrarily, the Soap opera,
TV
Use synonyms
 dramas and Sports represented 12%,10% and 18%,
relatively
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, programs, news with synonyms.
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