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Writing Samples
Band 7

As part of education, students should spend a period of time studying and living in a different country to learn a different language and culture. Do you agree or disagree?

It is a common belief that, so as to gain more knowledge about other cultures and their languages, students have to spend time studying abroad.
While
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 opponents argue that there are drawbacks regarding cultural shock and language barriers. In my opinion, admissions should spend several years expanding their knowledge and improving their language skills. On the one hand, the idea of studying abroad would be a golden opportunity to know more diverse languages and cultures.
This
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 is because
while
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 people only see pictures or videos of other countries, they can travel overseas and experiment in real life.
For example
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,
according to
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 world statistics, in China, students go abroad to study or do internships to improve their creativity;
as a result
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,
this
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 country has been improving day by day. By the way, concerning linguistic ability, applicants who have long-term interaction with native people will obviously sharpen their fluency
as well as
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 acquire a proficient new vocabulary.
On the other hand
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, more and more admissions face difficulties,
such
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 as cultural shock or language barriers, when they move abroad. It is clearly seen that some
foreigners
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 find that challenging to speak or communicate is challenging to be in a circle of a new community.
For example
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, in Korea, if people want to demonstrate something, they need to do it with two hands, and
instead
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 of greeting, they bow.
Consequently
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,
foreigners
Use synonyms
 accept them as disrespectful.
In addition
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, natives' speech is different compared to what is written in books.
Initially
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, there exist problems related to the cost of living, including accommodation and fundamentals;
as a consequence
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, it is difficult to find a suitable job for
foreigners
Use synonyms
, particularly students who need to study. In conclusion, there are valid arguments on both sides. I completely believe living abroad is the best way to be independent,
although
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 there are drawbacks related to cultural shock and the cost of living.
This
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 is because
this
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 provides the opportunity to experiment with different things and communicate with
foreigners
Use synonyms
 to learn new ropes.

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task
The answer shows a view, but the start is unclear. State your view in one clear sentence in the opening paragraph.
structure
Stick to one idea per sentence. Some lines contain more than one idea.
grammar
Check grammar and word use. Words like 'admissions' should be 'students' or 'applicants'.
lexis
Give simple, clear examples that are easy to see and support.
grammar
Keep tense and form simple and finish with a strong, clear final thought that matches your start.
task
End with a clear verdict that matches your opening stance.
content
The essay shows a clear view that living abroad can help learning language.
structure
There are clear paragraphs with an opening, middle, and ending.
coherence
Link words like On the one hand / On the other hand help the flow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersion
  • cultural awareness
  • global perspectives
  • pronunciation
  • adaptability
  • multinational companies
  • personal growth
  • social awareness
  • resumes
  • accessibility
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