IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

It is often argued that grandparents should live with their
children
Use synonyms
 and grandchildren as a joint
family
Punctuation problem
family,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
grandparent
Fix the agreement mistake
grandparents
show examples
 should live
separate
Replace the word
separately
show examples
 from their
children
Use synonyms
.
Joint
Correct article usage
The joint
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 family system is
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 traditional way
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 now many
people
Use synonyms
 believe in living separately.
This
Linking Words
 essay will cover both
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 before I give my own opinion. On the one hand, many families follow the old tradition of living as a joint family
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many reasons. The primary reason is that as everyone is living in the same
house
Punctuation problem
house,
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 it becomes easy for everyone to
take-care
Use the right word
take care
show examples
 of each other.
For example
Linking Words
, if any elder gets sick or if there is any emergency
situation
Punctuation problem
situation,
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 they can be taken to
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
 as early as possible,
whereas
Linking Words
 if they are living away in
separate
Correct article usage
a separate
show examples
home
Punctuation problem
home,
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 it can
be sometimes
Correct word order
sometimes be
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late
Rephrase
too late
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 to reach
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the hospital. Another reason is that it can be
cost friendly
Use the right word
cost-friendly
show examples
 when a family is living together
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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balance
Replace the word
balancing
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 food
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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, utility bills and more where
as
Change preposition
whereas
show examples
 separate homes
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to separate food
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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, household appliances and utility bills.
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 should live independently from their
children
Use synonyms
 and grandchildren.
This
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 is because as you get
older
Punctuation problem
older,
show examples
 you get irritated
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 little things like
noise
Correct article usage
the noise
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 of young
children
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can lead to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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separate
Correct article usage
a separate
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 home because to can’t stop
children
Use synonyms
to enjoy
Change preposition
from enjoying
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,
play
Wrong verb form
playing
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 games,
make
Wrong verb form
and making
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 noises.
Furthermore
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, there are cases where the wife and grandparents come into heated
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can result in
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact on
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
family
Punctuation problem
family,
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why nowadays families consider
to live
Wrong verb form
living
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separate
Replace the word
separately
show examples
 rather than living together. In conclusion, my opinion on the given statement is that living together is more like a one family rather than living separately because there are many
people
Use synonyms
 in
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 to help each other
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can create a positive environment and if any misunderstanding
occur
Correct subject-verb agreement
occurs
show examples
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 can be solved in a mature way

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Task response
State a clear view in the intro and restate it in the end.
Language
Use short, simple sentences and check word order and articles.
Content
Add clearer examples and explain how they support the point.
Content
The main idea about joint family is clear.
Structure
The writer shows some view of both sides.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • family
  • grandparents
  • older people
  • live together
  • live on their own
  • home
  • privacy
  • care
  • help
  • support
  • health
  • safety
  • money
  • cost
  • burden
  • dignity
  • autonomy
  • independence
  • nearby
  • near
  • far
  • community
  • services
  • plan
  • balance
  • respect
  • choice
  • options
  • rule
  • problem
  • solution
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