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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on thier smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people argue that the majority of
children
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 spend a significant amount of
time
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 every day on their devices.
However
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,
although
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 mobile phones play a significant role in individuals’ lives, we need to be aware of their excessive
use
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. I believe that
this
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 is a serious issue that schools and parents need to address. On the one hand, overusing
smartphones
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 and social media can cause several problems for individuals, especially young people.
In other words
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, spending too many hours on phones can lead to isolation among
children
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due to
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 the negative effects of excessive screen
time
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.
For instance
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, a study published by New York University in 2013 concluded that over-reliance on screens has a significant impact on
children
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 and even affects the way they communicate in the long run.
On the other hand
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, despite the negative effects of excessive
use
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 of technology, there are several advantages,
such
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 as facilitating educational methods.
For example
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, students are able to
use
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smartphones
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 to study and take important notes.
Moreover
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, technology provides entertainment for the younger generation, allowing them to spend their free
time
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 on activities
such
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 as video games and social media. In conclusion,
although
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 using
smartphones
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 has brought important benefits to
children
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’s lives, we need to understand the serious issue of overusing phones. Schools and parents play a significant role in tackling
this
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 phenomenon, and I strongly believe that parents should dedicate more
time
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 to guiding their
children
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 on how to
use
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smartphones
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 responsibly.

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task response
Be clear about your main view in the intro and keep it steady throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a balanced view by looking at both sides.
task response
You give some examples to back up points, which helps explain your view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • time
  • use
  • reason
  • many
  • children
  • phone
  • games
  • chat
  • friends
  • school
  • sleep
  • health
  • mood
  • focus
  • learn
  • safe
  • harm
  • good
  • bad
  • limit
  • plan
  • rules
  • family
  • parents
  • balance
  • help
  • information
  • ability
  • design
  • access
  • guidance
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