IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilities
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There is an ongoing debate about whether
businesses
 should undertake responsibilities or not, advocating the importance of being involved in social activities as a significant action. I strongly believe that
although
 international
companies
 cannot be responsible for solving social problems, small
businesses
 should be accompanied by local communities in curbing certain issues. The first and foremost argument is that
businesses
 have a great impact on
society
as well as
 contribute to a country's economic posterity. To extend,
businesses
 have a significant role in preventing
society
 from turning into a 'throw-away
society
' and producing waste resources.
Consequently
,
companies
 should enlighten local
people
 to be aware of certain issues
such
 as consumerism, capitalism, etc. To cite an example, several
businesses
 published advertisements to inform
people
 about inflation on social media platforms in Turkey.
As a result
,
people
 did not tend to buy products for the risk of the waste of money for a
while
.
This
 emphasises the significance of the effects on
society
while
 having these
companies
. Regarding another argument,
businesses
also
 should take action when natural accidents happen. To expand the idea,
while
 natural accidents
such
 as earthquakes, downpours, etc, they are obliged to help with their equipment, or financially.
For instance
, the big earthquake, which was measured 7,4 points out of 12, happened in 2023 in Turkey. During
this
 period, all small and international
businesses
 volunteered to donate adequately to the minister of health, and they opened supplies
such
 as cars, and agricultural machines for free to use.
To conclude
, despite a belief that
people
 deem
businesses
 do not have any social responsibility in today's world, I am on the side of
people
 who understand the gravity of actions taken by
companies
.
Submitted by yusifakhmad on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that addresses the prompt directly. While your stance is evident, explicitly stating your position with regards to the extent of agreement or disagreement can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Develop your main points further by expanding on your explanations and fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Reflect on the balance of your argument to ensure that it consistently engages with the topic of social responsibilities of businesses through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively across and within paragraphs to enhance the reader's comprehension. Consistent use of cohesive phrases will benefit the flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider paragraph structure and aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph. Follow this with supporting details and a concluding sentence to wrap up the idea presented, ensuring cohesion within the paragraphs.
task achievement
While examples are good, make sure that they are fully explained and directly linked to the main point of the paragraph. Each example should be clearly relevant to your argument and help to illustrate the point you are making in the context of social responsibilities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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