IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some celebrities are famous because of their wealth and glamour. Some people believe that they can set a bad example for young people. Do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that certain
celebrities
Use synonyms
, who gain fame primarily through their luxurious lifestyles and glamorous image rather than meaningful achievements, exert a harmful influence on the younger generation. I completely agree with
this
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 view, as
such
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 figures can distract youth from education and encourage unrealistic or even criminal behaviour in pursuit of quick success. One major concern is that the ostentatious display of wealth by these
celebrities
Use synonyms
 diverts young people's focus away from academic and personal development. At an impressionable age, teenagers frequently idolise stars who appear to enjoy effortless riches,
such
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 as expensive cars, designer clothes, and lavish vacations promoted on social media.
This
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 creates the false impression that hard work and education are unnecessary for prosperity.
As a result
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, many adolescents prioritise shortcuts like becoming social media influencers or content creators over their studies.
For example
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, in various countries, there has been a noticeable rise in students dropping out of school or underperforming academically
due to
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 excessive time spent chasing online fame and monetisation opportunities on platforms like TikTok or Instagram.
This
Linking Words
 shift undermines long-term career prospects and personal growth.
Furthermore
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, the glamorous yet sometimes unethical lifestyles of these
celebrities
Use synonyms
 can normalise illegal or risky actions among impressionable youth. When stars flaunt material possessions without explaining how they were acquired, young people may feel justified in resorting to theft, fraud, or other crimes to imitate that level of affluence. Media reports have highlighted cases where teenagers, inspired by celebrity excess, engaged in shoplifting or cybercrimes to fund luxury items, leading to ruined futures and societal harm. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
celebrities
Use synonyms
 offer positive inspiration through their talents, those renowned mainly for wealth and glamour predominantly set a detrimental example by promoting superficial values over diligence and integrity. Society would benefit if greater emphasis were placed on role models who demonstrate genuine effort and responsibility.

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language
Use more simple words and short sentences to show you can keep clear flow.
structure
Add a small counter view, even if you disagree, to show balance.
coherence
Work on linking between ideas with more clear connect words.
stance
Clear position on the topic.
content
Good use of examples from real life.
structure
Strong opening and close.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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