IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

Some families provide their kids with a large number of playthings.
While
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 it could be significantly beneficial, there are some drawbacks to that scene. On the one hand, having various types of
toys
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 plays a crucial role in enhancing
children
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's creativity and imagination.
While
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 construction
toys
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 develop fine and gross motor skills required to craft figures, educational games can get
children
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 interested in science, creating scientific foundations for them.
For instance
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, those who played different kinds of Lego tend to succeed in engineering fields later in life. Another benefit is that the more kids are busy with playthings, the more their parents have free time to spend on housework.
On the other hand
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, having an excessive number of
toys
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 can overwhelm
children
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, leading to difficulty in focusing on one specific activity or task. When kids have too many
toys
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, they may not learn to appreciate or take care of them properly.
Moreover
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, providing
children
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 with new playthings constantly results in them taking everything for granted in the future. It is better to teach them that,
for example
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, when they achieve success or get a good mark at school, a new game should be given to them as a reward. In conclusion, even though purchasing lots of games for
children
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 can be beneficial, we shouldn't forget its cons.

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task response
State your view clearly. Say if the good sides or bad sides are stronger and give a short ending that shows this.
coherence
Some points do not follow the main idea for the child. Keep ideas that show the child only.
grammar
Check small grammar mistakes and awkward phrases. Fix them so the read is easy.
content
Add more clear and real examples to back each idea.
structure
The essay has a clear shape: intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence
Good use of linking words like on the one hand and on the other hand.
content
A real example (Lego) is used to show a future the child may have.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay ā€“ it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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