IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is better to live and work in vertical cities. Others, however, think that horizontal cities are better for living and working. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

The massive burden of providing a better life for every member of society rests on the shoulders of high-ranking officials.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that living in vertical cities is by far the best
way
Use synonyms
 of benefiting from a high standard of living, others argue that horizontal ones can be a better option to have a good lifestyle. From my perspective, living in a high-rise building plays a crucial role in creating a work-life balance in
this
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 modern era. On the one hand, there is a definite link between living in spread-out cities and good health. To clarify, in
such
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 places, people are able to build their home with much more space, which contributes to not only having more privacy but
also
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 an airy home. In
this
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way
Use synonyms
, they can enjoy their moments after a long, busy day in a pleasant and peaceful environment.
Moreover
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, they can go to their work on foot, and they may benefit from good health
due to
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 burning calories by walking.
On the other hand
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, time goes a long
way
Use synonyms
 in urban life.
For example
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, everybody is suffering from a hurry sickness. Indeed, they have to work for long hours to meet their daily needs. In
this
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way
Use synonyms
, they do not have enough time to commute every day.
Therefore
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, living in a skyscraper and an apartment close to their workplaces allows them to save time on commuting.
Moreover
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, living in
such
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 modern buildings is much more convenient for them, as they can leave their home without being worried about thieves and burglars. In conclusion,
although
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 living in horizontal cities can be really beneficial in terms of having a relaxing and healthy life, it does not guarantee a balanced lifestyle. I think that living in vertical ones is by far the convenient
way
Use synonyms
 of living in urban areas.

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task response
The essay answers the task but needs more detail. Add clear ideas for both sides and give your strong view.
coherence
Make the flow better by using the same words to connect ideas. Use simple link words like and, but, also, then, so.
grammar
Keep sentences short and clear. Some long lines are hard to read.
content
Provide more real examples or facts to back up points.
structure
End with a clear restatement of your view.
structure
Two clear parts in the body with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
task response
The writer shows a clear view.
content
Some good ideas about health and time.
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