IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that spending a lot on holding weeding parties, birthday parties and other celebration is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that spending large amounts of
money
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 on weddings, birthday parties and other celebrations is simply a waste of
money
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. I am utterly convinced that
such
Linking Words
events
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 play an important role in strengthening relationships and supporting the economy in meaningful ways.
To begin
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 with, celebrations are essential for building and maintaining strong social connections.
This
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 is
initially
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 because
people
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 nowadays live very busy lives and often do not have enough time to meet their relatives and close friends regularly. Special occasions give them a valuable opportunity to gather and share joyful experiences together.
For example
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, many families only see each other during weddings or significant birthdays, especially if they live in different cities or even abroad.
As a result
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, these
events
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 help
people
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 feel closer to one another and create lasting memories for everyone involved.
Therefore
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, celebrations play a crucial role in keeping families united and friendships strong over time.
Furthermore
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, investing
money
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 in
such
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events
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 can have positive effects on the economy.
While
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 some individuals believe that
this
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money
Use synonyms
 could be spent on more practical needs, they often overlook the fact that many businesses rely on the event industry.
Organizing
Change the spelling
Organising
show examples
 a large celebration usually involves restaurants, photographers, musicians and decorators.
This
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 means that numerous
people
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 earn their income from these activities.
Consequently
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,
such
Linking Words
events
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 encourage business development, strengthen local economies and offer employment to local residents. In conclusion,
although
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 some individuals think that expensive parties are unnecessary, I firmly believe that they are not a waste of financial resources.
This
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 is because they strengthen social bonds and contribute to economic development in society. (266 words/ 35 min)

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task response
Task response: The essay gives a clear view but does not talk much about the other side. Add more on why some people think spending on parties is waste. Include a second view with simple reasons and an example.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: The order is good with intro, two body parts and a conclusion. Use more linking words to show how ideas connect from one point to the next.
structure
Introduction and conclusion: State the answer in the intro and finish with a clear restate in the conclusion. Keep a simple style and avoid long phrases.
content
Main points: Explain each idea more. Add more detail on how celebrations help or harm society. Give more clear examples for each point.
examples
Examples: Use more facts or tiny numbers or real events to back your points. This can strengthen the argument while still using simple words.
strength
Clear view and strong start. You say your main idea at once.
strength
Good points on social bonds and local economy.
strength
Helpful signposts like 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', 'In conclusion'.
area to improve
Some space to add the other side for balance.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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