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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patieents vivsiting four clinics of a hospital form 2010 to 2016.

The line chart displays the average
number
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 of weekly visits by clients in the four different clinical units in a hospital between 2010 and 2016. All in all, in the span of six
years
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, three clinics (eye, diabetic, and dental) signified a general uptrend.
In contrast
Linking Words
, birth control was the only clinic
unit
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 that showed an opposite trend. As shown, the eye clinic accounted for a very dramatic rise, where it began with around 130
patients
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 to 150 between 2010 and 2012 before skyrocketing to 350
patients
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 in 2016. The other two clinics, diabetic and dental, depicted an identical fluctuating trend flow, where
diabetic
Correct article usage
the diabetic
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unit
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 was visited by about 65
patients
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 in 2010, remained under 100 in the next four
years
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, and eventually peaked at around 170 in 2016.
Additionally
Linking Words
, for the dental
unit
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, it had 100
patients
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 visiting in 2010
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, it plunged to just over 50 in two
years
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 before recovering to around 125
patients
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, and stayed stable until 2016.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there were nearly 250
patients
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 visiting the birth control
unit
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 in 2010 and kept increasing to approximately 280.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, by 2012, the
number
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 had significantly declined to just 180
patients
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 coming to visit.
While
Linking Words
 the trend marked an uptrend in 2016, the
number
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 of
patients
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 visiting never hit the same
number
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 as it did in the first two
years
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, years, unit, patients with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • line graph
  • average
  • weekly patients
  • clinics
  • hospital
  • trends
  • increases
  • decreases
  • peaks
  • troughs
  • fluctuations
  • comparative analysis
  • time period
  • consistent
  • inconsistent
  • gradual
  • sharp
  • decline
  • rise
  • remained stable
  • notable
  • significant
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