IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Multicultural societies in which there are a mixture of ethnic people bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Melting pot
phenomen
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phenomenon
 is
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
show examples
when
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 on one
teritory
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territory
 live
peoples
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people
show examples
 from different ethic and cultural groups
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 a mixture of
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 groups
createad
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creates
unique
Correct article usage
a unique
show examples
 society.Exist
opinion
Correct article usage
an opinion
show examples
 that
melting
Correct article usage
the melting
show examples
 pot
phenomen
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phenomenon
 brings more
advangaes
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advantages
 than
disadvanges
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disadvantages
.Personally,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 totally
suport
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support
this
Linking Words
 idea because it has
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
 impact on economic
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,the biggest advantages of
multiciltural
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multicultural
 societies
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 constant
work power
Use the right word
workforce
show examples
 flow from
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
 the world.It makes stock of both qualified and
unqualifiend
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unqualified
 employers.And
this
Linking Words
 fact
acclerating
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accelerates
economic
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the economic
show examples
 sector by giving incentives for creating new work
oportunities
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opportunities
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,people
arives
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arrive
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 many other countries
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they bring their own unique mindset and
worldwies
Correct your spelling
worldview
Punctuation problem
, what
show examples
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 basis for new business projects. Second solid plus is
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 positive impact and social gains.It makes
unseen
Correct article usage
an unseen
show examples
 diversity of street food and
restaraunt
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restaurant
.
Inhabitans
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Inhabitants
 are encouraged to learn new languages because they are
surounded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
 by
bunch
Correct article usage
a bunch
show examples
 of
it
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them
show examples
.It
help
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helps
show examples
 for
sport
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sports
show examples
developement
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development
 because many athletes
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 and start representing your nation
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 international competitions.
Morover
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Moreover
,multiculturalism will
embrase
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embrace
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tolerance
becauce
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because
 representatives of different ethic
will
Check wording
groups will
show examples
 become more familiar with each other.It will contribute to
degrating
Correct your spelling
degrading
 stereotypes. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,total tolerance and peace will require a long way to achieve.Because within one
neigborhood
Correct your spelling
neighbourhood
 or even a house
folks
Punctuation problem
, folks
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
where
Use the right word
were
show examples
 enemies to each other for
decedess
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decades
 have to exist close to each other.It may
created
Verb problem
have created
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tensions between
this
Linking Words
 group.
Also
Linking Words
 is
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
 that
group
Correct article usage
the group
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 had
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lived
earliter
Correct your spelling
earlier
 on
this
Linking Words
 land than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 may begin discrimination toward more young
ethonos
Check wording
ethnic groups
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, having a blend of different races, cultures and religions in a country would provide more opportunities in communicating with foreign powers and
also
Linking Words
 ensure a functioning workforce throughout the entire year. With
this
Linking Words
, I reiterate my agreement with the statement.

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general guidance
The essay says you agree and has some good ideas on why rules may be good, but the plan is not clear. Put one main idea in each part. Start with a short intro that states your view clearly. End with a short conclusion that repeats what you said.
structure
Link ideas with small words like 'First,' 'Then,' 'Also,' 'But.' Use paragraphs to separate points. Some ideas do not have clear proof or example. Add one example for each point.
strength
The writer shows a clear view that agrees with the statement.
content
The essay uses many ideas about real life, like jobs, language, sport and culture.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • culture
  • people
  • country
  • benefit
  • drawback
  • mix
  • work
  • job
  • skill
  • money
  • grow
  • trade
  • business
  • idea
  • food
  • music
  • art
  • language
  • education
  • law
  • policy
  • tolerance
  • discrimination
  • integration
  • cooperation
  • change
  • peace
  • safe
What to do next:
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