IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Health experts claim that walking is knowm to be beneficial to health. However, people are walking less on a daily bassis. what are the reasons for this? what can be done to encourage people to walk more again?

Health
Use synonyms
 experts say that walking is very beneficial for our
health
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. It can improve physical fitness, reduce stress, and help prevent many diseases.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays
people
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 are walking less in their daily lives for several reasons. One main reason is the increased use of technology and transportation. Many
people
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 prefer to use cars, motorbikes, or public transport
instead
Linking Words
 of walking, even for short distances.
This
Linking Words
 is because it is faster and more convenient. Another reason is busy lifestyles.
People
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 often have tight schedules with work or study, so they choose quicker ways to travel.
In addition
Linking Words
, busy work schedules and sedentary entertainment
such
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 as television, social media, and video games reduce
people
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's motivation to engage in physical activity during their free time. To encourage
people
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 to walk more, several actions can be taken.
First,
Linking Words
governments that make walking easier and more appealing. To clarify, improving pedestrian infrastructure,
such
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 as safe sidewalks, parks, and walking paths, can encourage
people
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 to walk regularly.
For example
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, public
health
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 campaigns, car-free zones, and workplace initiatives that promote active commuting can motivate citizens to incorporate walking into their daily routines. Schools and employers can
also
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 encourage walking by organising awareness programmes or providing incentives for active lifestyles. To recapitulate, it is evident that
people
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 are walking less mainly
due to
Linking Words
 transport convenience and modern sedentary lifestyles,
while
Linking Words
 improved infrastructure and
health
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 promotion programmes can help reverse
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is necessary that governments and communities take active steps to make walking a more practical and attractive option for daily life.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more equal way. The part about reasons is clear, but the part about solutions can be a bit more full.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few lines are not smooth or fully clear. Check sentence form and make each point easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some linking is not natural, and one sentence is not complete.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each sentence group and explain it fully before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with phrases like 'First, governments that make walking easier and more appealing.' This needs a full verb to be clear.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic and easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'however', 'in addition', 'first', and 'therefore'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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