IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? a What solutions can you suggest?

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Many nations suffer from improper conduct by learners in schools.
This
Linking Words
 essay
would suggest
Wrong verb form
suggests
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 that poor parenting is the prime cause of
this
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 phenomenon,
while
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 implementing strict disciplinary measures in the educational system is the most effective approach to handle the issue. Ineffective parenting is the root cause of
students
Use synonyms
 acting ill-mannered way in school. As teaching individuals right and wrong should start from a very young age and from people that they look up to , which are their parents, and when the parents neglect or dismiss the behaviour of their children, they will grow up not clueless of their actions and the consequences following them, and because of that they will end up bullying other
students
Use synonyms
, disrespecting teachers and engaging in many other misconduct actions.
For example
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, pupils who grow up without clear boundaries may fail to respect authority.
As a result
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, they are more likely to misbehave in the classroom, disregard school rules and engage in bullying. The enforcement of disciplinary policies can play a crucial role in preventing
students
Use synonyms
 from misbehaving. Because the prospect of facing consequences discourages them from violating school rules and fosters their sense of accountability.
For instance
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, by implementing detention or removing privileges
such
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 as recess time or participation in extracurricular activities or suspension,
students
Use synonyms
 will exercise self-control and comply with regulations.
This
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 deterrent effect helps reduce instances of poor behaviour, thereby promoting a positive atmosphere for learning for both teachers and learners. In conclusion,
whereas
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 poor parenting is principle reason for misconduct in educational institutes, I believe that by imposing stringent rules, numerous
students
Use synonyms
 will maintain
Correct article usage
an
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appropriate manner.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give one cause and one solution, but you can explain each one a bit more.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word form errors.
task response
Use examples that are more specific and real. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but a few sentences are too long. Split them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea and support it step by step.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
You give a clear cause and a clear solution.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly in a logical order.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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