IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays both scientists and tourists can go to remote natural environments such as the South Pole. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, there is a phenomenon that more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are willing to go to explore somewhere remote. From my point of view, the impact mostly depends on the motivation. So, I tend to regard these actions as educational activities.
Despite
Change preposition
Although
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people
Use synonyms
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 obtain knowledge and extend their sight, human activities
still can
Correct word order
can still
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 cause irreversible damage to the environment. Some of the irregular actions could
make
Verb problem
cause
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 irreversible damage to the environment. As we all know, many ecosystems, including polar ecosystems, are fragile and could be endangered by any risk
bring
Wrong verb form
brought
show examples
 by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. A single plastic bag that can be seen everywhere in
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 would cause permanent pollution in a remote ecological environment, which is the biggest problem faced by
global
Correct article usage
the global
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 ecosystem. Investigating and studying
toward
Change preposition
apply
show examples
remote natural places could promote environmental conservation. In most cases, the primary reason why scientists choose to research certain natural
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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 is because of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 uniqueness and representativeness. The remote Places
or
Correct word choice
apply
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not only process some rare and valuable resources, but
also
Linking Words
 have some environmental features unknown to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
. Through
analyzing
Change the spelling
analysing
show examples
 the
investigating
Replace the word
investigation
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 data, researchers could obtain essential information,
Such
Linking Words
 as local Environmental factors fluctuation, Geological situation,
Species
Correct word choice
and Species
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 distribution Region. These all could contribute to the global environmental Research and conservation.
Besides
Linking Words
, the opportunity of visiting the remote places is a good educational channel.
People
Use synonyms
 have become used to the information we
accessed
Wrong verb form
access
show examples
 in daily life. So, it's meaningful for us to extend our sight and be
closed
Replace the word
close
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 to nature. Visiting the remote place can provide
people
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
with both
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 first-hand knowledge and a good experience in
lifetime
Correct pronoun usage
their lifetime
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, which are what they cannot learn from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 textbook. Imagine that if
people
Use synonyms
Go
Fix capitalization
go
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 to somewhere natural, all the information is felt directly by yourself. Over
this
Linking Words
 period, the knowledge
people
Use synonyms
 learned from nature
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own is more solid and worthy
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There's no doubt that there would be positive and negative influences during the exploration of nature by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, learning
our
Change preposition
about our
show examples
 planet is still important and necessary.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first part. You say it depends on motivation, but the task asks if the good points are more than the bad points. State your position in a direct way.
task response
Explain both sides, but give a stronger reason for why one side is more important. This will help your answer feel more complete.
task response
Use more specific examples. For example, name what scientists can learn, or how tourists can help or harm these places.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a simpler order. One paragraph for bad points, one for good points, then a clear final answer.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas with clear linking words like first, however, for example, and as a result. Some parts now feel hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check repeated ideas. You say environmental damage more than once in the same way. Try to add a new point or explain it more.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both good and bad points.
task response
Your ideas are mostly relevant to the question, especially about science, learning, and environmental harm.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main idea, which helps the reader follow your writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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