IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults . Do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
The question of whether young
people
 who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as
adults
 is a complex and divisive issue.
While
 some
people
 believe that young
offenders
 should be held to the same standards of accountability and punishment as
adults
, others argue that young
people
 are not fully developed emotionally, intellectually, and morally, and
therefore
 should be treated differently. Supporters of treating young
offenders
 as
adults
 argue that it is necessary to hold them accountable for their actions to maintain the rule of law and deter others from committing similar crimes. They believe that young
people
 who commit serious crimes should face the full force of the law, regardless of their age or circumstances. They argue that treating young
offenders
 leniently would send the wrong message to society and undermine the justice system. Opponents of treating young
offenders
 as
adults
 counter that young
people
 are not fully responsible for their actions because they lack the maturity and judgment of
adults
. They argue that young
people
 are more susceptible to peer pressure, impulsivity, and poor decision-making
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and that they should be given a chance to reform and rehabilitate rather than being punished harshly for their mistakes. They
also
 argue that harsh punishment can harm young
offenders
' mental health, education, and future prospects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and that it can perpetuate a cycle of crime and incarceration. In practice, the decision of how to punish young
offenders
 depends on a wide range of factors, including the severity of the crime, the offender's age and maturity level, their criminal history, the circumstances of the
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
, and the available options for rehabilitation. In some cases, young
offenders
 may be tried as
adults
 and face long prison sentences,
while
 in others, they may be diverted to youth justice programs that focus on education,
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
, and community service. The key is to strike a balance between accountability and rehabilitation that addresses the needs of both young
offenders
 and society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of examples to support both viewpoints. This will provide more concrete evidence for your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a well-structured approach to your essay but consider adding a more impactful conclusion that not only summarizes your points but also reflects a clear stance on the topic. This helps solidify your argument and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
While you've provided a balanced perspective, making your personal opinion more explicit, especially in the conclusion, could enhance task response. This doesn't mean choosing a side, but rather showing your analysis based on the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: