IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

Governments in some countries spend a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on Children’s
education
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 path because it will bring more advantages than disadvantages. On one hand, the state that
invest
Correct subject-verb agreement
invests
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Children’s
education
Use synonyms
 is a state
that is
Linking Words
 looking to secure the future. In fact,
education
Use synonyms
 brings logical and more understanding
for
Change preposition
of
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 everything.
For example
Linking Words
, learning math will make the kid know about numbers,
also
Linking Words
 when you teach the child about physics, he will learn about the movement, gravity and the reactions.
Although
Linking Words
 one of
another
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 advantages is that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schooling
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
will make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society more and more
think
Verb problem
apply
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mature and reasonable.
Therefore
Linking Words
, spending a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 can provide a mature community.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a number of drawbacks to
this
Linking Words
 sponsorship.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 invests a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
primary schools when there are many ways will bring
this
Linking Words
money
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 and double it ,
such
Linking Words
 as investing in stock market shares, or in projects like building a park.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, even if the country tends to spend a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on Children’s
education
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, it will put pressure on the state's budget , and the citizens have to pay more taxes so the government can provide learning materials for kids.
As a result
Linking Words
 government will lose a large amount of budget because of children. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 low-cost
education
Use synonyms
 has some drawbacks, the benefits of the trend can be advantageous to the development of the entire country. I believe every investment in children will not be meaningless and will
country
Verb problem
bring country
show examples
 experience in the future.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the good side is stronger than the bad side.
task response
Add one or two clear examples that are real and easy to understand.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Some points are too short or too general.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
task response
You gave both advantages and disadvantages, so you answered the full question.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used linking words like 'On one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expensive
  • government funding
  • access to education
  • financial burden
  • equal opportunities
  • literacy rates
  • future prospects
  • burden on government finances
  • quality of education
  • inequality
  • education standards
  • motivation
  • parental involvement
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