IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

SOME PEOPLE THINK TECHNOLOGY DEVEOPMENT DECRESES CRIME, WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE IT ACTUALLY ENCOURAGES CRIMES. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OIPINION.

More and more
people
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 believe that improving
in
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apply
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technology
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 can reduce
crime
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that
technology
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 helps criminals to do illegal things and
make
Verb problem
increases
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Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate
increase
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apply
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. In my opinion, I totally agree with the first argument. I believe
when
Correct word choice
that when
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people
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 use the latest
technology
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, it will reflect positively. On the one hand, many
people
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 think
when
Correct word choice
that when
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 companies create more advanced
technology
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, it will reduce
crime
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 percentages. In fact, a lot of applications and
tools
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 were invented to help police and government catch the criminal before he starts.
Although
Linking Words
 new
tools
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 can provide safety and security for individuals and make their home safer,
for example
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, security cameras, smart locks, alarm
system
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systems
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, and GPS can help the owner and call the police if someone enters their property.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 argue that advanced
tools
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 will make
people
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 do illegal things and increase the
crime
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 rate.
Furthermore
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,
technology
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 can be used by anyone, and that will cause good apps and
tools
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 to be used for robbery or theft. A study from New York University concluded in 2022 that 85% of criminals after COVID-19 were using advanced
tools
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 in their crimes.
As a result
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, tech may
be
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apply
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bring some troubles if you give it to the wrong
people
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.
To conclude
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, I believe that
technology
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 itself is not the main problem. It can lower traditional
crime
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, but it
also
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 opens the door to new
crime
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. That's why the government should keep an eye on it and make rules to use these technologies.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the essay says one side is better, then the end says both sides are true. Keep one clear opinion from start to end.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are short, so the reader wants more detail about how technology stops crime and how it helps crime.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and clear. The study example is useful, but it needs better support and clearer link to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a clearer order. Some sentences are long and hard to follow. One main idea in one sentence is better.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Words like 'in fact', 'furthermore', and 'as a result' should match the idea before and after them.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one clear point and add one or two supporting details.
task response
You answered the full question and talked about both views.
task response
Your opinion is easy to see in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic paragraphing well, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • reduce crime
  • encourage crime
  • cybercrime
  • online scam
  • identity theft
  • hack into
  • digital record
  • face recognition
  • security camera
  • alarm system
  • smart lock
  • track criminal activity
  • public safety
  • break the law
  • get caught
  • strong law
  • data protection
  • bank fraud
  • illegal activity
What to do next:
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