IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries , more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college, university, or even afer finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

There is an
inreasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 trend among youth on prolonged living in one household with
theirs
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Punctuation problem
parents,
show examples
 sometimes even after employment.I firmly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
outshorts
Check wording
disadvantages
show examples
 outweigh advantages. On the one hand,
buing
Correct your spelling
buying
 a house or apartment in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 world is a very complicated task.The cost of real estate reached
the
Correct article usage
its
show examples
 highest indicators over
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
last
Linking Words
decades
Correct determiner usage
few decades
show examples
.
Amount
Correct article usage
The amount
show examples
 of
accomadations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
 available for purchase cannot keep up with
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
 demand caused by population growth.
That is
Linking Words
 why prices are
consistenly
Correct your spelling
consistently
 rising.To afford a household average familie have to pay mortage during 20 or even more years
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
show examples
 they have to find funds for
down
Correct article usage
a down
show examples
 payment.
Moreover
Linking Words
,you should consider the fact that each family member must have at least an average income to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 loan requirements.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,not only
purchase price are
Correct word order
are purchase prices
show examples
 high,
rent
Correct word choice
but rent
show examples
 is not cheaper.Often individuals spend more than 60 percents form
overall
Linking Words
 income.
Therefore
Linking Words
,to be able
pay
Verb problem
to pay
show examples
 all your checks for a month
while
Linking Words
 you
renting
Verb problem
are renting
show examples
 a place
fo living
Wrong verb form
to live
show examples
you
Punctuation problem
, you
show examples
also
Linking Words
 must have at
leas
Correct your spelling
least
 an average salary. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,postponing relocating from
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 house till the
last
Linking Words
 moment
also
Linking Words
migh
Correct your spelling
might
 have negative consequences.Living with
parents
Use synonyms
 during long period of time could lead to household
disabillity
Correct your spelling
disability
.
While
Linking Words
 your
parents
Use synonyms
 are taking all
choirs
Correct your spelling
chores
 on
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves,
show examples
 you may basicaly dont gave particularr skills.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 building
a
Correct article usage
one's
show examples
 own family under
such
Linking Words
 circumstanscec are a problem.
Biggest
Correct article usage
The biggest
show examples
 part of humans
leave
Verb problem
live
show examples
 in
appartaments
Correct your spelling
apartments
.
Hence
Linking Words
,only
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all apartament can contain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
two families in them.Living in a cramped apartment can aggravate the relationship between
inhabitans
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
 and
invoke
Verb problem
lead to
show examples
 arguing and stress. In conclusion,despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
monetary benifits the negative side of living in
parents
Use synonyms
 house a totaly outweigh positive because
long lasting
Correct your spelling
long-lasting
 space sharing may lead to deterioration of relations.And as soon as individuals find a parthern they should
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
move out from family nest.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response: answer the question more clearly. You say the bad sides are stronger, but some ideas are hard to follow. State your main view in a simple way and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
For task response: explain your ideas more. You give reasons about house price and rent, but you need to show more clearly why these are advantages of living with parents.
task response
For task response: add one or two clear examples. Real or simple made-up examples can help show your point.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: use a clearer paragraph plan. One paragraph for advantages, one for disadvantages, then compare them in the end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: link ideas with easy words like 'first', 'also', 'however', 'because', and 'so'. Some sentences now are hard to connect.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: make topic sentences clearer. Start each body paragraph with the main idea, then add support.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give a clear final opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'On the one hand', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: