IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that governments should control the food industry to reduce unhealthy diets.others think individuals are responsible for their own eating habits.Discuss both views and give you opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that individuals should be responsible for their own eating habits,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 others believe the authorities need to take
this
Linking Words
 into
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
consideration and guide citizens on what they should eat.From my perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 society should rely on
themselves
Fix the agreement mistake
itself
show examples
 to live a healthy lifestyle. To initiate with, having education about nutrients is more effective than control.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that
people
Use synonyms
 have freedom of choice
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they can choose what they want to consume .But, if they have knowledge about
balance
Replace the word
a balanced
diet
Punctuation problem
diet,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they can take nutrition
according to
Linking Words
 their body requirements.
For example
Linking Words
, the physical work needs more carbohydrate and protein for performing
mannual
Correct your spelling
manual
 tasks .
As a result
Linking Words
, consumption of diet is totally dependent on
Use synonyms
people preference
Check wording
people's preferences
show examples
, work duties
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as taste, but they should eat in
limt
Correct your spelling
limits
. On the other side.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should impose
ban
Correct article usage
a ban
show examples
 on advertisements which put negative impact on
people
Use synonyms
's health. To illustrate, most of
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 follow their role models and when their role mode advert on fast food or heavily
sugar
Replace the word
sugary
 products
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 they eat
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many Indian celebrities give advertisements, which are related to drinks,
packed
Correct word choice
packaged
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 food and fast food
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 these contain
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of fats and sugar.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these advertisements should be banned by the
law-makers
Correct your spelling
lawmakers
as well as
Linking Words
 increased taxes on these items ,so
people
Use synonyms
 can not buy
easily
Correct pronoun usage
them easily
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
Linking Words
according to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should
make
Wrong verb form
be made
show examples
 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
consumption
Check wording
importance
show examples
 of
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
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 diet
instead
Linking Words
 of
controlling
Wrong verb form
being controlled
show examples
 by
authority
Correct article usage
the authority
show examples
.
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 is not only good for
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
 health but
also
Linking Words
 beneficial for
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You talk more about one side than the other side.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. Keep the same idea in all parts.
task response
Add one more clear example for the first body paragraph to make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence stops and commas. Some sentences join ideas in an unclear way.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and then explain it step by step.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples about ads and famous people to support your ideas.
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