IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Effective study requires time, comfort and peace. it is impossible to study with employment because one may distract the other. To what extent do you think the statements are realistic?

Many people believe that effective
study
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 requires
time
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, comfort, and a peaceful environment.
Therefore
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, they argue that it is impossible to
study
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while
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 having a job because
employment
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 may distract
students
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 from their learning. In my opinion,
although
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 studying
while
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 working can be challenging, it is still realistic and possible if
students
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 manage their
time
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 well. On the one hand, it is true that studying requires concentration and a calm environment.
Students
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 need enough
time
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 to read, complete assignments, and prepare for examinations. If someone works long hours, they may feel tired and have less
time
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 to focus on their studies.
For example
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, a student who works late at night might struggle to attend morning classes or complete homework. In
this
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 situation,
employment
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 can negatively affect academic performance.
On the other hand
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, many
students
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 successfully combine
study
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 and part-
time
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 work. Working
while
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 studying can help
students
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 develop important skills
such
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 as
time
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 management, responsibility, and independence.
In addition
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,
employment
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 allows
students
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 to earn money to support their education and daily expenses.
For instance
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, many university
students
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 work part-
time
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 in restaurants, shops, or offices
while
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 continuing their studies successfully.
Furthermore
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, modern technology and flexible
study
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 options,
such
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 as online learning, make it easier for
students
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 to balance both work and education. With careful planning and discipline,
students
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 can create a schedule that allows them to
study
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 effectively
while
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 maintaining a job. In conclusion,
although
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 studying with
employment
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 can be difficult and sometimes stressful, it is not impossible. With good
time
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 management, determination, and proper planning,
students
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 can successfully balance both responsibilities.

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task response
Say your view more strongly in the first part and keep it clear all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear example to make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Some points are good, but you can explain them a little more deeply.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some linking words are used in a basic way.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
You can use a few more clear topic sentences to guide the reader.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your opinion clearly.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order and easy to understand.
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