IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through internet, that they can just as well study at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of technology, everything runs on the internet weither is practical or
theortical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
work. Many people believe that students should not need to attend
schools
Check wording
school
show examples
, because of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, as it has all the material and information which they need for their studies. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion, and my view points discuss in the following paragraphs. To commence with, there are numerous reasons why scholars need manual knowledge and study.
Firstly
Linking Words
, on the web, there are various data
volume
Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
show examples
 which is unverfied.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if they search for one thing on the site, they get enormous data from it, which might confuse them about what is usual
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 what is unusual. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, if any student
requires
Verb problem
needs
show examples
 to solve the math sums they search on the web,
then
Linking Words
 they get many methods to solve it, even though only one method is enough to solve the sums.
Hence
Linking Words
, they do not easily get the right information from it.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in different sites have immense findings
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
 these it is not easy to get valid information. Moving
further
Linking Words
, there are a plethora of
causes
Check wording
reasons
show examples
 why children need practical learning from parents and tutors. To
eleborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
, sometimes
offsprings
Check wording
offspring
show examples
 are not
enough experience
Correct word order
experienced enough
show examples
 to use laptops and phones
in
Punctuation problem
; in
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
such
show examples
cases
Punctuation problem
cases,
show examples
 they need their
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 help.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
,
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 mentors
those
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are highly qualified and have huge experience in academic studies are essential in learning
one's
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in
study
Replace the word
studies
 there are difficult subjects which requires massive
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and experience to understand them
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
mathmatics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
, science, social studies
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as biology
many
Correct word choice
, and many
show examples
 more.
Therefore
Linking Words
, no doubt technology has a bundle of intelligence despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 manual practice and tutors still in
demads
Correct your spelling
demand
 for children's intellectual growth. To recapitulate, no denying that without the internet, life is very suffering, whether for adults or teenagers.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, sports for teachers and parents are crucial for brain growth,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
as well as
show examples
 for their better upbringing. Kids do not have enough knowledge to choose better content for themselves, and sometimes artificial intelligence leads to the wrong path.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: Your answer is clear because you disagree, but some ideas are not fully explained. Add one more clear reason and explain it step by step.
task response
Task response: Use examples that are more real and more direct. The math example is helpful, but it needs clearer detail.
task response
Task response: Stay close to the question. Focus more on why schools are still needed, not only why the internet has too much information.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear intro, body, and end, which is good. But some sentences do not connect well. Use simple link words like first, also, for example, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Make one main idea for each body paragraph. Then support it with two clear points.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some parts are hard to follow because the order of ideas is weak. Put your strongest point first and keep similar ideas together.
task response
Task response: You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep the same view in the essay.
task response
Task response: You try to give reasons and an example, which helps answer the question.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has basic paragraphing, with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use some linking words such as firstly, moreover, additionally, and therefore.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: