IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the number of mobile phones sold in millions for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the number of mobile phones sold in millions for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The table provides information on the
sales
Use synonyms
 figures registered for a
period
Use synonyms
 of six years
starting
Change preposition
, from
show examples
 2006 to
2022
Punctuation problem
2022,
show examples
 for 5 companies producing mobile phones.
Firstly
Linking Words
, companies
such
Linking Words
 as Nokia and Ericsson illustrate a similar fluctuation pattern showing a slight increase in their
sales
Use synonyms
 numbers in 2007, followed by a continuous decrease
considering
Punctuation problem
, considering
show examples
 the number of sold devices up until the end of the reporting
period
Use synonyms
 covered in the table.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Samsung recorded a substantial growth in units sold
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in
2022
Punctuation problem
2022,
show examples
 the number of
sales
Use synonyms
 almost doubled compared to 2006.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Motorola was among the leaders
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the market during the starting
period
Use synonyms
 in the table, outlining a dramatic decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 quantity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a key feature is demonstrated by Apple that entered the market in 2007
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 its
sales
Use synonyms
 climbed sharply in 2012, placing it among the top mobile
phones
Check wording
phone
show examples
 retailers that year.
Overall
Linking Words
, the presented companies underwent significant changes in their
sales
Use synonyms
 numbers during the reporting
period
Use synonyms
, revealing different evolution patterns and positions on the market through the years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual sales
  • fluctuations
  • market saturation
  • technological advancements
  • consumer trends
  • brand dominance
  • growth trajectory
  • market share
  • innovations
  • peak sales
  • decline
  • stagnate
  • proliferate
  • exponential growth
  • market dynamics
  • forecast
What to do next:
Look at other essays: