In some parts of the world, people buy far too many clothes. What are the reasons for this? How can people be persuaded to reduce the number of clothes they buy?

Nowadays,
people
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buy more
clothes
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than they need in some areas of the world. I completely agree that
people
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should reduce the number of
clothes
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they buy. A discussion of the reasons and how to solve
this
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issue will be highlighted in the write-up. One of the main reasons for purchasing too much wearings is items are too cheap.
This
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is because many famous clothing brands are advertising new products every season and manufacture the
clothes
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in a large amount caused a lower
price
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.
This
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trend as known as '' fast-fasion''. Another significant reason is that
people
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are affected by their idols ,TV series or social media. They tend to imitate how celebrities
wear
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dress
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.
For instance
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, my friend at the university is a big fan of K-pop. He wants to look like his idol , so he goes shopping every weekend.
Therefore
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, he bought a lot of cheap
clothes
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, but most of them are in a low-quality.
Finally
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, those items have been thrown out, which is really a waste. I definitely believe
people
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can reduce the quantity of clothing.
Firstly
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, the government should encourage manufacturers to raise both the quality and
price
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. In
this
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way, products can be used for a longer time and decrease
people
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's shopping desire at the same time.
Secondly
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, celebrities can share their idea of being eco-friendly, and
appealing
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appeal
to fans who do not buy too many
clothes
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.
Consequently
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, these methods can persuade
people
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to just buy the wearings which they really need. In conclusion, I firmly believe that buying too many
clothes
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is not a good sign, which resulted by the low
price
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and idols' fashions.
However
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,
this
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situation can be solved by increasing the quality and
price
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of items and persuading
people
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to stop
this
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behaviour by their idols.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain the reasons well, but the ways to reduce buying need a bit more detail.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer. Some points are good, but a few sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice.
task response
Use more specific support for solutions. For example, explain how schools, shops, or media can help people buy less.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part structure, which is good. Keep one main idea in each part of the body.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use simple links like 'because', 'so', 'also', and 'as a result' in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and form. Some lines are not easy to understand, and this hurts flow.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
You give a real example about your friend, and it fits the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas stay on topic and connect to the main question.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • clothes
  • buy
  • many
  • few
  • cheap
  • price
  • sale
  • shop
  • store
  • online
  • trend
  • fashion
  • media
  • ad
  • pressure
  • need
  • plan
  • budget
  • waste
  • reuse
  • repair
  • donate
  • secondhand
  • wardrobe
  • closet
  • space
  • storage
  • habit
  • impulse
  • choice
  • decision
  • quality
  • value
  • keep
  • wear
  • outgrow
  • example
  • experience
  • I
  • my
  • people
  • world
  • simple
  • change
  • buy less
  • durable
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