IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some argue that schools should prioritize life skills such as working in teams and solving problems instead of traditional academics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate about whether schools teach life
skills
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 optimally,
such
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 as teamwork and problem-solving
skills
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 , rather than relying solely on academic performance. I firmly maintain that it is significantly crucial. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the reasons for the importance of these
skills
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. First and foremost, in the contemporary era, from schools to society, individuals mostly need to cooperate with
others
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,
such
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 as schools’ sports competitions, communities’ tournaments and companies’ teams. If students can be taught how to collaborate with
others
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, it is quite helpful for them to become
a member
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members
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 of that team and boost
the
Correct article usage
their
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 sense of belonging. Apart from that, a student can cultivate the teamwork spirit and interact with
others
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 from a young age, which
also
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 develops their responsibility and empathy. These
skills
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 will not only help build good relationships with colleagues, but
also
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 help them to strengthen bonds with friends and folks.
Furthermore
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, problem-solving
skills
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 play an essential role in improving students’ personal and professional growth. I suppose pupils who were taught how to solve
problems
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 can be more independent.
For instance
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, lots of juveniles learn to play puzzles to train their critical thinking
skills
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 and find the methods to solve
problems
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 efficiently, which
also
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 helps them live alone in the
future
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 or
further
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 study overseas.
Moreover
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, reducing dependence on
others
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 can
also
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 motivate people to become a team leader in the
future
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. Because these people tend to be brave enough to encounter the challenges and make decision decidedly. These students who only learn traditional academics will develop in a limited way. They do not even know how to apply their knowledge to help the team solve
problems
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 in
future
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 work, which is likely to cause bad interpersonal relationships, resulting in isolation and mental
problems
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. In summary, it is undeniable that conventional academics are important for each student,
whereas
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,
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apply
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 we can not ignore that prioritising life
skills
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 will bring plenty of benefits for students, even prevent life
problems
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 in the
future
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.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first paragraph. Say if you fully agree, partly agree, or disagree, and keep this the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one short idea about the other side, traditional study, to show why you still choose life skills first. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Use more direct examples. Your example about puzzles is a bit general. A more real school or work example would help more.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a more simple order. Start each body paragraph with one clear main point, then explain it, then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, but a few sentences are too long. Break long sentences into two shorter ones to make your meaning more easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with words like 'whereas' in the last paragraph. The final sentence should be smooth and easy to read.
task response
You answer the topic and stay on it in the full essay.
task response
Your position is clear: you support the teaching of life skills.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'First and foremost', 'Furthermore', and 'In summary' to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Prioritize
  • Life skills
  • Traditional academics
  • Teamwork
  • Problem-solving
  • Holistic education
  • Real-world challenges
  • Soft skills
  • Intellectual growth
  • Balanced education
  • Comprehensive skill set
  • Core subjects
  • Vocational training
What to do next:
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