IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should spend money on public transport, while others believe it is better to spend money on building new roads. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In today’s world, there is an ongoing debate about public
transport
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that authorities should spend more on public
transport
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it is better to spend on
infrastructure
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend on
both
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
both
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 views and give my opinion. One of the main reasons
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 why
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 money on public
transport
Use synonyms
 will have many advantages like
traffic
Use synonyms
 and environment.
Firstly
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,
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion is one of the main reasons nowadays
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 built public
transport
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,
then
Linking Words
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 decline.
For example
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 Bangalore
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of public
Use synonyms
transport
Add a comma
transport,
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 there is a huge
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam
if
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
 a person goes to the
office
Punctuation problem
office,
show examples
 it will take around an hour to reach
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, public
transport
Use synonyms
 is very helpful for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
For instance
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, in European
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 many
people
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 prefer public
transport
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 because
of that
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not need to take their cars,
as a result
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 there environment is not affected
because of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 cars.
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should focus on
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 like roads.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 their own vehicles,
therefore
Linking Words
 authorities should spend on roads so
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion can decline.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
Delhi
Add a comma
Delhi,
show examples
 public
transport
Use synonyms
 is one of the best
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to take their own cars because of
that it has
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 heavy
traffic
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
. As
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
, nowadays
Delhi
Correct article usage
the Delhi
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 has started investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 road
infrastructure
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 spends money on road
Use synonyms
infrastructure
Punctuation problem
infrastructure,
show examples
 it will help
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 to develop as
movement
Correct article usage
the movement
show examples
 of logistic need
infrastructure
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that
both
Use synonyms
 are very important for the development of the country,
therefore
Linking Words
government
Use synonyms
 should spend money on
both
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way, then give your own view more clearly.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Some points are too short or not fully clear.
task response
Use examples with clear detail. Some examples are general or not well linked to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make your sentences link in a smoother way. At times the flow is not easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph order and idea order inside paragraphs. Some parts feel broken.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, as a result.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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