IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s constantly changing world, financial status has become a highly debated topic. Some people argue that
children
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 raised in middle- or low-income families are better equipped to deal with
life
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’s challenges,
while
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 others believe that wealth does not necessarily determine a child’s future abilities. I largely agree that
children
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 who grow up facing difficulties tend to be more resilient and mentally strong. First and foremost, it is undeniable that many successful individuals come from disadvantaged backgrounds. Experiencing hardship at an early age often forces
children
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 to develop problem-solving skills, independence, and perseverance. These qualities are essential in adult
life
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, where individuals are required to cope with various personal and professional challenges. A well-known example is Oprah Winfrey, who overcame numerous obstacles in her early
life
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 and went on to achieve remarkable success. Her story clearly illustrates how adversity can shape a person’s character and contribute to long-term achievement.
Secondly
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,
children
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 from less affluent families often learn the value of money and hard work from a young age. Unlike their wealthier counterparts, they may not have access to unlimited resources, which encourages them to be more responsible and resourceful.
This
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 practical mindset helps them make better decisions and manage difficulties more effectively in adulthood.
However
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, it is
also
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 important to acknowledge that
children
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 raised in wealthy families can benefit from better education, opportunities, and support systems. If guided properly, they can
also
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 develop strong skills and succeed in
life
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.
Therefore
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, financial background is not the sole factor determining a child’s future. In conclusion,
although
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 wealth can provide certain advantages, I believe that
children
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 who grow up in less privileged conditions are generally better prepared to face the challenges of adult
life
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due to
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 their resilience, independence, and strong work ethic.

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task response
For task response, your main view is clear, but you can explain the other side a little more before you reject it.
task response
For task response, add one more real and clear example, not only one famous person, to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow, but some linking words are a bit basic and repeated. Try a wider range.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the second body paragraph could be longer and more fully developed to match the first one.
task response
For task response, you answer the question clearly and keep your opinion the same from start to end.
task response
For task response, your ideas are relevant and focused on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main idea, so the reader can follow your points well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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