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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say the main way to stay happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life make people happy?

Money
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 is considered to be the key to
happiness
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 in
life
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 by many people. Some believe having access to a lot of
money
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 brings joy.
However
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, many argue
there
Correct word choice
that there
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 are other ways some can find peace and
happiness
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. One of the main reasons why having huge wealth makes people happy is by empowering them to acquire any materialistic item.
Individuals
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 prefer to go on extended shopping sessions and buy items their heart desires without any regrets.
For instance
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, millionaires spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on luxury items that give them pleasure.
Additionally
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, having access to chartered planes allows them to buy back
time
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, providing satisfaction.
Moreover
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, having access to
top quality
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top-quality
 healthcare facilities and being able to get quick and effective treatment and ensuring safety from
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life threatening
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life-threatening
 diseases brings joy to many.
For example
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, an individual can fly from NewYork to Delhi to get the best heart transplant there can be without worrying about the cost.
As a result
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, people can prioritise wellbeing over saving
money
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.
Individuals
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 who spend quality
time
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 with friends and family often report high levels of
happiness
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. Family plays an important role in providing the environment that promotes cheerfulness.
In addition
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, not having to worry about backlash from house members can uplift any person to the highest stage of satisfaction. As an example, a teenager looking to start sports feels confident and excited when their parents support them to the fullest. Another way to stay content in
life
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 is to have a hobby because it ensures
individuals
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 are spending
time
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 with themselves.
Although
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 hobbies can be
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time consuming
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time-consuming
, it ensures
individuals
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 are
pro-actively
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proactively
 winding down and catching up to the world around them.
For instance
Linking Words
, having a hobby
such
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 as painting or working out can release mental stress and increase dopamine
which
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, which
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 results in one being happy. In conclusion,
money
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 can be the biggest source of
happiness
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 by allowing you to spend on things that bring joy;
however
Linking Words
, it is not necessarily needed to stay happy in
life
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. Other ways
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such
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, such
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 as spending
time
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 with family or participating in recreational activities like
sketching
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sketching,
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 can increase happy hormones in an individual.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more equal way. You talk a bit more about money than other things.
task response
Make some ideas more clear. A few parts are hard to follow, like the point about buying back time.
task response
Use examples that feel more natural and real. Some examples are too big or not very likely.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly inside paragraphs. Some sentences feel separate, not fully tied together.
coherence cohesion
Check word choice so your meaning stays clear. A few words make the flow weak.
coherence cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each body paragraph and develop it step by step.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give examples to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The main message is easy to see in most parts of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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