IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

amaj alizadeh: some people think that individuals are becoming more dependent on each other in modern society; while others believe that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, some people think that
Use synonyms
induviduals
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individuals
 are becoming more dependent on each other in modern society,
whereas
Linking Words
 others
belive
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believe
 that
Use synonyms
induviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 are becoming more independent. One of the main reasons
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individuals
induviduals
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 are becoming more and more dependent on each other
,
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apply
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 is because humans are not
supoed
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supposed
 to be alone
and
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, and
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 we need to
interupt
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interact
 with people for company and for our
well being
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well-being
.
One
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On
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 the other hand
individuals
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, individuals
show examples
 are becoming more independent. It could be because people are more on sosial media and use chat gpt to what ever they need to talk about, research show
for instance
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 that
woman
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 who lives alone witout a
man
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 in their 40s are more happy than
woman
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 witch live her life with a
man
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 an family, but the intressting part is that the
man
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 are more happy in a relationship with a
woman
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 and family, so
woman
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 nowadays are more likely to live alone and travel the world insted of surtching to seek a relationship.
Linking Words
Also
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Also,
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 both
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woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 and
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man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 have become more independent and
therefore
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their
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they're
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 not settling for the
noraml
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normal
 family life.
As a result
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 of the way citizens live a stressful life nowadays,
its
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it's
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 difficult to have time to be
sosial
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social
, so
therefore
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induviduals
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individuals
 use more time alone
afther
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after
 a long time of work. In
conclution
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conclusion
, there are several reasons why
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induviduals
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individuals
 are more dependent
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 independent.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 I think one major problem is
sosail
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social
 media, because it makes
induvidual
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individuals
 feel like they are more connected
altought
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although
 they
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
. And
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induviduals
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individuals
 don`t need to ask others questions anymore because you can just ask
chat gpt
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ChatGPT
 and
min
Correct your spelling
manage
 your own
buisness
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business
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Write one clear idea for why people need each other and one clear idea for why people live more alone.
task response
Give your opinion more clearly. Say it in the introduction or early in the body, and keep the same view to the end.
task response
Use examples that are simple and easy to trust. Some ideas in your essay are interesting, but they need more support and a clearer link to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea for each paragraph. This will help the essay feel more clear and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like 'however', 'for example', 'on the other hand', and 'as a result' should connect ideas in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some long sentences have many ideas together, so the reader can get lost. Split them into shorter sentences.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples and real-life ideas to explain your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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