IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

At school, children should either be taught to compete or to cooperate. In your opinion, which form of education would best benefit society as a whole? Describe both sides of the argument and explain your own opinion.

At school, children are either taught to compete or to
coopereate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
. Teaching
students
Use synonyms
 to be competitive can prepare them to
with
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more opportunities in some countries.
However
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who learn how to cooperate can become more responsible individual to the soceity. In my opinion, teaching children how to
cooperat
Correct your spelling
cooperate
 is more beneficial to the whole
society
Use synonyms
from a
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 long run. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the reasons for both sides will be explained
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I will
also
Linking Words
tell
Verb problem
explain
show examples
 why I
have the favor for
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 cooperation.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand,
students
Use synonyms
 who strive in competition can be secured with more
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in some countries, especially those with
more
Correct word choice
a larger
show examples
 population but
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 resources, because academic achievement is essential for them to go to a better university.
Students
Use synonyms
 in those
contries ususally
Correct your spelling
countries usually
 work very
deligently
Correct your spelling
diligently
 so that they can achieve outstanding academic performance. That means, they will have
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
show examples
 possibility to enter
competive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 fields and find better job positions with higher income
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
, lawyer or engineers. These occupations will
garentee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 them with stable financial incomes and their life can
greatly
Verb problem
be greatly
show examples
 improved.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some schools
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 to teach
students
Use synonyms
 how to cooperate. They set up various activities
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the campus so that
students
Use synonyms
 are encouraged to
service
Replace the word
serve
 others. In
classroom
Correct article usage
the classroom
show examples
,
students
Use synonyms
 discuss with different groups of classmates, including those with diverse needs,
thus
Linking Words
 they learn how to respect everyone. In the communities,
students
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 provided opportunities to
involve
Verb problem
get involved
show examples
 in volunteer work and learn to contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Althrough
Correct your spelling
Although
 the
students
Use synonyms
 who grow up
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 atmosphere may
be not
Correct word order
not be
show examples
 as competitive as the first group academically, they are more equipped to adapt themselves to become a respectful individual when growing up, which is crucial to the harmonious development for one
society
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 those who learn to be competitive academically can secure more opportunities in some countries, schools that teach
students
Use synonyms
 how to cooperate will contribute
the
Change preposition
to
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 with responsible individuals in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run.
This
Linking Words
 is the reason why I have the favor for cooperation.

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task response
For task response, answer the full question in a more direct way. You talk about both sides and your view, but some ideas are not fully developed.
task response
For task response, add one or two more clear examples. Your ideas are good, but some parts stay general.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This is good, but some linking words are not used well, like 'In the one hand'. Use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make some sentences shorter and clearer. A few long sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check word order and small grammar mistakes because they sometimes make your meaning less clear.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own opinion. This helps task response.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow in general.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • competition
  • cooperation
  • ambition
  • achievement
  • motivation
  • excellence
  • job market
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • social skills
  • emotional intelligence
  • interpersonal relationships
  • empathy
  • harmonious
  • supportive learning environment
  • mental health
What to do next:
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