IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

As a result of deforestation and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What can be done to deal with this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the modern world we live in, many animal species are becoming endangered, and some are even at risk of extinction
due to
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 deforestation and illegal hunting. It is universally acknowledged that the key factors leading to
this
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 trend will be
analyzed
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analysed
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, thereby pointing out solutions to prevent its negative impacts.
To begin
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 with, I am strongly convinced that keeping
animals
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 safe is crucial. There are convincing reasons to agree with
this
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 point of view. First of all, human survivals depend on
animals
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, as they contribute an essential part in researching medicine and producing food. To make a case for
this
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, many researchers have experimented on
animals
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 to produce medicine to treat cancer, which is one of the most dangerous illnesses in the world.
Additionally
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,
animals
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 are essential for maintaining ecological balance. If certain species disappear, it can disrupt the food chain and negatively affect plant growth and other organisms, eventually damaging the entire ecosystem.
For instance
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, bees play a crucial role in pollination. If they become extinct, many plants would not be able to reproduce, which could seriously affect food production,
such
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 as making honey, and
also
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 affect the environment. With that being said, the detrimental impacts could be easily dealt with if some active countermeasures were carried out. First and foremost, it would be great if the governments could enforce stricter laws on people who kill
animals
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, resulting in raising individuals' awareness.
Furthermore
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, building more national parks to preserve
animals
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 is
also
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 a good method to present serious implications. In conclusion, through what has been discussed about the root causes of destroying animal species, the trend comes with serious consequences.
However
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, given that timely solutions are implemented, the negative influences will be reduced.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why animals must be protected, then give 2 or 3 clear ways to solve the problem.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but some parts go away from the question. Focus more on animal protection, not general causes.
task response
Use examples that fit the point better. The bee example is good, but the honey part is not the best support for extinction.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one clear main idea. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some linkers are used well, but a few sentences are too long. Shorter sentences can make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion should match your opinion and solutions more closely, not return to causes too much.
task response
You answer both parts of the question, so the essay is complete.
task response
Your opinion is clear: you think protecting animals is very important.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like first of all, additionally, furthermore, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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