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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

Some
people
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 believe that
competition
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 in workplaces, schools and everyday life is beneficial,
while
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 others argue that
cooperation
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 is more important.
Although
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competition
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 can encourage
people
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 to perform better, I believe that greater emphasis should be placed on
cooperation
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 because it often leads to better long-term results. On the one hand,
competition
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 can have several positive effects. In schools,
for example
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, students may study harder when they want to achieve higher grades than their classmates.
Similarly
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, in the workplace,
competition
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 can motivate employees to work efficiently and develop new skills in order to gain promotions or recognition. In daily life,
competition
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 may
also
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 encourage
people
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 to improve themselves, whether in sports, business or personal goals.
As a result
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, it can increase productivity, ambition and innovation.
On the other hand
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, too much
competition
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 can create stress and damage relationships. In schools, students who constantly compare themselves with others may feel anxious or lose confidence. At work, excessive
competition
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 can reduce teamwork, as employees may focus only on personal success rather than shared goals.
This
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 can create an unhealthy environment and even lower
overall
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 performance.
By contrast
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,
cooperation
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 allows
people
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 to share ideas, support one another and solve problems more effectively. In many situations,
such
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 as team projects or professional settings, success depends more on collaboration than on individual rivalry. In my opinion,
while
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competition
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 can sometimes be useful,
cooperation
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 is generally more valuable. Modern society requires
people
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 to work together in order to achieve common goals, and
this
Linking Words
 is especially true in education and employment.
Therefore
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, learning how to cooperate is at least as important as learning how to compete. In conclusion,
competition
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 can motivate
people
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 and lead to improvement, but excessive rivalry may cause stress and weaken relationships. I believe that
cooperation
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged more strongly because it promotes healthier and more effective outcomes.

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task response
For task response, add one more clear real life example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
For task response, explain a little more why cooperation gives better long term results.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you can use a few more linking words like for this reason or in addition.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make one idea in each body paragraph the main focus so the flow is even clearer.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view clearly.
task response
Your ideas are easy to follow and stay on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph connects well with the next one.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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