IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Governments should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students rather than supporting professional sports and art performances for the public. Do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that governments should prioritise funding for
sports
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 and
arts
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 programs in schools rather than allocating resources to professional events for the general public.
While
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 both sectors offer valuable benefits, I largely agree that greater emphasis should be placed on supporting young
students
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, as
this
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 yields long-term social and developmental advantages.
Firstly
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, investing in
sports
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 and
arts
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 at the school level plays a crucial role in the holistic development of children. Participation in
such
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 activities not only improves physical health but
also
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 enhances creativity, discipline, and teamwork.
For instance
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, engaging in music, painting, or drama allows
students
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 to express themselves and develop critical thinking skills,
while
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sports
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 foster resilience and cooperation. These formative experiences contribute significantly to shaping well-rounded individuals, which ultimately benefits society as a whole.
Moreover
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, early exposure to
sports
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 and the
arts
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 helps identify and nurture talent from a young age. Without sufficient funding at the grassroots level, many gifted
students
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 may never have the opportunity to realise their potential. Government support in schools ensures equal access to resources, regardless of socioeconomic background, thereby promoting social equity.
In contrast
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, professional
sports
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 and art performances tend to benefit a limited number of elite individuals who have already achieved success.
However
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, it would be unrealistic to completely disregard funding for professional sectors. Professional
sports
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 events and artistic performances contribute to national identity, cultural enrichment, and economic growth through tourism and global recognition. They
also
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 serve as inspiration for young people who aspire to excel in these fields.
Therefore
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, a certain level of government investment in professional domains remains necessary.
Nevertheless
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, when resources are limited, prioritising school-based programs is more justifiable. The long-term benefits of investing in youth development far outweigh the short-term gains of funding professional entertainment. By cultivating skills, talent, and well-being among
students
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, governments can build a healthier, more creative, and more productive society. In conclusion,
although
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 professional
sports
Use synonyms
 and
arts
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 have their place in society, governments should allocate more funding to developing these areas within schools. I strongly agree that prioritising young learners is a more sustainable and equitable approach.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and stays on the topic. To reach a higher score, add one more very clear real example.
task response
For task response, your position is strong from start to end. You can make it even better by explaining the opposite side a little more.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and each paragraph has a clear job. To improve, use a few less common link words with care.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your main ideas are well supported. You can make links between ideas even smoother by adding a short sentence between some points.
task response
Task response is strong because you answer all parts of the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
Task response is good because your ideas are clear and you explain why school students should get more support.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion are strong because the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion are good because your ideas move in a logical order and are easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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